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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 yrs and have a

Customer Question

My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 yrs and have a 6mo baby. He began seeing a life coach who has training in therapy but is not licensed. She has told him not to make any changes in his life for at least a year. We were talking about getting married. She also tells him to concentrate on HIM not US. I understand but there is an us. He stopped going for a short time after the baby was born, but she began calling both of us saying she was very concerned about him and that he needed to come back and start seeing her again. I have suggested us seeing a therapist together, or maybe he could change from a life coach to a therapist (he has depression). He started seeing her again two days ago. Is it normal for me to be worried about this person? Everytime she is around she derails any plans we begin making for us.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.
What are your ages?

What did he say about couples therapy?

Chase
Customer: replied 6 years ago.

I am 39, he is 33. He said he would go to couples therapy when he gets more time from work. He says he does not want to change from seeing her because he will have to take the time and have someone else get to know him (like he would be starting over). He is on Cymbalta and suffers from depression. That was given to him by our doctor. She made sure to look it up and give him info because she was not sure he should be on it. She said he should visit her doctor.

 

Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.
If he's taking cymbalta, a medication for depression, he's probably going to get better results from seeing a licensed therapist. That's not to say that a life coach couldn't help him, only that he's got a clinical diagnosis that may be better treated by a therapist. I'm also concerned that he's been in a four year relationship and she is not factoring this into her work with him. Although it is about him, and a lot of attention should be focused on him, you and his child are a big part of his life and need to be included. She should also not be hunting him down or pressuring him to come back. I'm a life coach as well and I don't pressure my clients to come back to me. She has to deal with his whole life, not just him. I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more

Warmly

Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience: Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
Ms Chase and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 6 years ago.

I appreciate your help. At least I know I am not way out of line. Besides, I was under the impression that a life coach deals with NOW and improving your life, not in finding a way to "fix" past issues,etc. I like the whole concept of a life coach, but this is a strange client/professional relationship to me. So, how would you suggest I bring it up, considering he "clicks" with her? Also, she says she is a therapist because she has her degree but is not licensed. How do I express my concerns without disrespecting his decision to see her? This is sooooo tough.

Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.
You're not way out of line, in my opinion. A life coach does deal with 'now' issues, but many times those issues cannot be overcome or circumvented without getting rid of some of the 'then'. That she has a therapists degree is probably why she works this way, the fact that she is not licensed is concerning....why isn't she licensed might be what you want to find out, and he shouldn't be getting therapy from her if she's not licensed. It is tough, and if you try and make him stop, it may make him want to do it more, thats how it is sometimes. I suggest telling him you want to work with the couples therapy, and be supportive of him, while trying to move towards getting in couples therapy or with a licensed therapist; "I don't mind you going to therapy alone, but I just want you to go to someone who's licensed" might work better.

I'm here if you need to talk. Feel free to request me by name anytime you want to talk

Chase

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