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KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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Well my girlfriend and I have been dating for almost six months

Customer Question

Well my girlfriend and I have been dating for almost six months and we are both very into each other. We spend a fair amount of time together and we have been through a good deal of hardship, together.

The other night we were talking and she said our relationship seems "too good to be true". She worries I will break her heart and don't truly plan on being with her. I told her this was nonsense but I am worried that her mentality might adversly affect our relationship?

Am I looking too in to this, or do you all agree her mentality may harm the relationship?

We are each others best friend and lovers, I care for her deeply but this whole issue is unsettling.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 6 years ago.

HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on JustAnswer. By the way, it would help us to know:

 

-What are your ages?



Thank you again for trusting us with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that we can finish answering your question.

Customer: replied 6 years ago.

I am 19 years old. Work about 50+ hours a week and am a fitness junkie.

 

My girl(19 also) works full time also so we typically spend a couple hours together late at night before I have to head home and get some rest for work.

Also, I would like to add that I am moving into my own apartment within a month and she wants to be involved in picking out a good area to live and a quality place.

 

Expert:  KimberlyF replied 6 years ago.
Customer

 

I don't think she is purposely trying to ruin the relationship but all of her negativity is putting a sprain on your relationship she is feeling a little bit insecure and is waiting for something bad to happen, handling insecurity in a relationship can be difficult. However, change is possible once you understand their underlying causes, She may want to be reminded and reassured that she is loved and that nothing bad is going to happen to the relationship. She either has a history of bad relationships or has seen someone in a bad relationship and this may be why she is so insecure about this relationship because it is going so well and she may have never seen such a healthy relationship but it could be the little time that the two of you get to spend together that could have her insecure also.

 

Her mentality could very well hurt the relationship but with some reassurance she could learn to not complain about a good thing. It's going to take positive thinking on her part to make the relationship less stressful and it's also going to take some reassurance on your part, let her know that you love and care about her and you're not going anywhere, tell her your fears about her negative thinking. It's important that you communicate your feelings to her and not hold them in that could only bring more insecurity to her thoughts. Plan a special night so that the two of you can spend some quality time together, pick a day where you can workout less so that you can spend time with her that may be all she needs to feel secure in the relationship again.

 

She is afraid that the old saying "Out of sight out of mind" may happen to you and this could be another reason she is feeling this way. Just continue to let her know that she is the most important thing in your life and that you don't plan on that changing and maybe that can help her to relax more and not be so worry some.

KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience: Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
KimberlyF and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Relist: I prefer a second opinion.
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 6 years ago.
Customer

 

That's fine and I totally understand. Good luck to you!

Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.
Hello Sad,

Kim has let me know that you wanted a second opinion. I agree with everything she said, but I do have a couple of questions for you.

Did she express interest in breaking up?

Why do you think this affected you so badly?

Do you think she loves you?

Has she had her heart broken before? have you?

Chase
Customer: replied 6 years ago.

Did she express interest in breaking up?
No she did not


Why do you think this affected you so badly?

I have heard this before from a previous girlfriend several years back and she cheated and broke up with me. I do not believe my girlfriend will necessarily cheat on me, but may look for something to be wrong.

Do you think she loves you?

Yes

Has she had her heart broken before? have you?

We both have, she was in a 3 year relationship and waws cheated on. She actually got back with her ex after he cheated on her, but soon after left him for a chance with me.

 

I have as well, ex cheated on me and broke up with me. Ever since then I have had a negative outlook towards women. I am working on this, and I do trust my girl, but I still have anxiety issues when it comes to trust in a relationship. I am sure she does to, and this may be part of the problem.

 

Hope this helps and my apologies for taking so long to reply.

 

Thanks

Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.
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KimberlyF
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Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com