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KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
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Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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Hi! My Fiancee and I have been together for three years,

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Hi! My Fiancee' and I have been together for three years, living together for two and a half of those years. Last year, I asked her to marry me and she was overcome with joy and said yes. However, she recently called off the wedding because she said she doesn't think she is ready to commit to marriage yet. She is 23 and I am 31. I said, "fine, we can take some time to figure things out". But, lately I've been really depressed about it and think there is more going on. I pressed her on the issue and she told me last night that she loves me but is not "in love" with me. She wants to work on our relationship but I have doubts now as does she. Do I have a chance at rekindling our relationship or is it over and should I move on? I'm really hurting right now but I want her to be happy and dont' want to force into anything she doesn't want.   Thanks, Nick.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 6 years ago.

HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on JustAnswer.

 

It's better that she is honest with you than to have waited until you were married for a year and tell you she made a mistake. With thaqt being said my suggestion to you is to give her some times but also reserve yourself to the fact that she may be having second thoughts about the relationship but you don't know for sure so give her some time to figure things out. You're right about not pushing her because that would surely push her further away from you and since you love her that is something you don't want to do. I think you should try to find out if that phrase isn't because she has someone else in mind or has meant someone else. That is usually when a person says this but it may be different in her case. Ask her if she cheated on you with someone else or has someone in mind to be with it just seems strange for her to say that after being clearly happy about getting engaged there has to be more to her story than just having cold feet or not being "in love" with you anymore.There has to be some underlying reason why she goes from loving you and wanting to spend the rest of her life with you to not being "in love" with you anymore but loving you.


Thank you again for trusting us with your problem.

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Thanks Kimberly. How do I ask her about cheating on me? I would like to know if she has met someone else but I don't want to come across as accusatory to her. I've done that in the past and they got really mad at me for even suggesting that. I would be crushed if she did cheat on me but you're right, the truth is always better.

Should I ask her in person or write an email? I just want to make it easier for her to give me an answer. It took a lot of time an energy just to get her to tell me why she was calling off the wedding.

Thanks
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 6 years ago.

HiCustomer

 

Definitely ask her in person so that you can see her facial expression and true reaction to your questions and if she has nothing to hide then she shouldn't get mad try asking her this way, " I really hope that I am wrong but because your comment came out of the blue to me then I need to ask you this, did you cheat on me or are you planning to cheat on me or break up with me for someone else?" Explain to her that you don't go from loving someone and planning on spending the rest of your life with them and then turn around and say that you love me but not in live with me anymore. If you write an email and ask her that gives her time to think of a lie or be deceiving.

KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience: Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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