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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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I fell pretty hard for a woman who is living a nymphomaniacle

Customer Question

I fell pretty hard for a woman who is living a nymphomaniacle life. She had been seeing a mental health counsellor and I think was getting some help. That counsellor has moved to another town and now she doesn't like the replacement and won't go any more. I got hints about the type of woman she is throughout our going together, but had to draw the line when it became obvious she could not be faithful. She is a wonderful person and I truely admire the person, but she is in a world that is not healthy. Because she is very attractive, she is pursued by men (and women) who will use her and allow themselves to be used by her. Now I know sexuality is a powerful "thing" with its propulsion existing from the beginning of time, but there are many who are hurt by it. Groups of people have formed and will exist to enjoy the polyamorous lifestyle, but there those of us who expect monogomous and moral behaviours in relationships. My question: What can we, who have been hurt, do to survive?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Relist: No answer yet.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 5 years ago.
Hello,

The two of you are no longer seeing each other?

What are your ages?

When she cheated on you did she tell you or did you find out?

Chase
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

Thank you Chase.

No we are no longer seeing each other since February. This is a much longer situation than your system would allow so bear with me please. She maintains a "boyfriend" in another state who she said was coming to live with her. She wanted our relationship to continue, but I had told myself that if her relationship with him looked like it would continue, then I was bowing out. Since then I have learned of many occasions where she conducted leasons and with many men I know and work with. There were hints of unfaithfulness while we were together as well. Her "boyfriend" she says is impotent and although she says she loves him,she says he knows of and approves of her sexual variants (women included). He never moved here, and either they just can't get along or he is her excuse to claim single status. She has told some of the men; she is looking for a sperm donor. She is excellant with kids and it is part of her work. I know she wants kids, but has told me she believes a family is a mother and children...no father. She is currently involved with a friend who is bound to be hurt like a few of us have. She is off this week seeing the "boyfriend", and even though I won't say anything to my friend about this (he probably knows) I know he has also fallen for her charms and will be hurt. I will of course get over this, but it is still in my mind and I don't easily fall out of love. I have told myself and her that I am tired of burning bridges and wish to keep a friendship. I still believe that is a good thing, but am flustered at my own hurt still, and the possibility she is going to hurt others...there is also the danger of STDs out there of course and that is why I require monogomous relationships.

I was 58, she is 40. Her "boyfriend" is 56. She has a lot of older men in her life...as well as younger men...and women.

No she didn't tell me she cheated on me. I don't know for a fact that she did, but it was evident she would as she had told me she was into a "European" sexual lifestyle. I suppose that could be said as polyamorous. I ain't, so we don't. During our relationship the stars shone, the sky was blue, songs rhymed etc...and she told me she loved me, but said not to tell anyone. I was sad to see it end and am still I suppose, but I cannot be involved emotionally with someone like that. I suppose my question to you is the same...in the old days I would smoke a joint and just move on, but I don't do that anymore and am serious about finding someone to love and be loved in return. I am just hurt and feel like it isn't worth the effort anymore. Sorry for the long relpy, but hey thats what it is.

Expert:  Ms Chase replied 5 years ago.
Hi,

Thank you for that additional info and for being so candid. There's a book I read a long time ago called Damage, and the quote for the book was '...damaged people are dangerous, because they know they can survive..' I'm of the belief that people are not born this way, they are made this way. There's something in her life that she is trying to make up for....she's like a whirling dervish, desperately trying to find something, hurting everyone and everything she touches, and she may never find what she's looking for because she's looking for it in everyone else, when it can really only be found inside of herself. Something, at some point, damaged her, and she's not going to let it happen again.

Maybe none of this is making you feel better, and it may take a lot more than my take on the situation for you to feel better. The sad thing is that you may not be able to stay friends with her because people like this can be like a whirlpool, and even when you think you have moved far enough away, you can be sucked back in at their leisure. Everything she wants goes against everything you want and aside from really loving her and caring for her, you made the right decision. You have to be true to what you want and what your heart needs. Don't settle for anything less. There are women out there that are willing to love you the way you need to be loved if you just stick to your guns. I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more.

Warmly

Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience: Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
Ms Chase and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

Thank you Ms Chase,

The book that changed my life was by M. Scott Peck "People Of The Lie". I read it a long time ago and have been espousing its knowledge ever since. I am by no stretch of the imagination fooling myself into believing I am "cured" of earths ills, and as a matter of fact have felt pretty alone what with all the lies being casually tossed about. I hope to acquire an intimate knowledge through deliberation and soulful acceptance of my earthly confines. Sounds a bit high and mighty, but I believe there is a way to live that is free of the negativity of not only what is around me, but myself included. It is hard keeping a level head when I become angry and accusatory. I hope to keep depression's influences away, but as I like to understand as much as I can, I am afraid I am hobbled by the anger and hurt and will not see the sunshine through the clouds. I appreciate your kind words and will keep looking for the light of love. Thanks.

Expert:  Ms Chase replied 5 years ago.
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