This is a classic games people play kind of scene.
how do you respond to her now? Tell me more?
Thank you for the additional information.
So from my perspective, she hooks you with the guilt, as you have already noted.
So you seem to recognize that her problems are not your problems, and when she comes to you, it creates negativity for you.
So the question is, how do you deflect that.
I assume you want to remain friends with this person. YOu must connect on some level that resembles friendship, when she is not behaving in this way.
So try this next time she calls.
Tell her: Listen, hon, I really want to hear what you have to say. Can you call me back at, give time and say, I can give you my undivided attention for 20 minutes. Then be prepared to hold her too it.
When she calls, do not engage her, but listen, and only listen. Just let her speak. Sometimes when we engage people, we encourage them by feeding back to them too much. But simply holding the space for them to talk is good. If they ask, keep your answers non-committal, and short.
For example: If she asks, are you listening; simply say, I hear you. tell me more.
If she asks: what do you think? simply say things like:
--I think you are hurt?
--It sounds like you really loved him
--I am not sure, why don't you tell me what you think
Keep your eye on the time. when you get 5 minutes out, say something like. Look hon, I really know you need me right now, but I only have 5 minutes left, oK.
Then when the time is up, say something like: Look hon, I know how you are hurting right now. Lets talk more tomorrow, but for now, I have to go. How about calling me at give time tomorrow. Ok take it easy, I know you will be alright.
This script may not work exactly like this, because I can not predict how it will go from her side.
It may be helpful somewhere along the line to tactfully refer her to a relationship counselor. For this type of situation I recommend Transactional Analysis professionals.
If you give me your state, I can get you connected.