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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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I have been involved with a woman for alittle over 6 months.

Resolved Question:

I have been involved with a woman for alittle over 6 months. She strikes me as a strong and at times confident woman. She has twin daughters ages 4. The fathers mother wants her to get married and so does that side of her family. Her mother doesnt want her to get married to the gentleman nor does she want to. There is no ring, no honeymoon. I understand how the babies father manuipulates the situation by making her feel guilty by talking to his mother and the mother talks to her. I used to do the same thing with my child's mother and that never worked out for the best. My question is this. Should i continue dealing with this woman who doesnt want anything to do with her childeren father but gets maniupulated into situations such as a wedding or should i just leave it alone and walk away. I care about the woman and I have been through a similar situation but if she chooses to do what she doesnt want to do it shouldnt concern me. Its her life.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 5 years ago.
If she doesn't want to marry him, how is she being manipulated?

Is she not able to stand up to the mother in law?

How long has it been since she broke up with the father?

What are your ages?

Chase
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
She is being maniplated by the babies father when they get into an argument he will run to his mother and the mother in law will talk to her and she will feel guilty. They have a great relationship and has told me many times she doesnt want to disappoint her. That was a similar tatic that I've done on a girl I was involved with years ago and I regretted ever doing so.
She broke up with the father ever since last year. I can say that there has not been an on/off again realtionship. She has dated other people before me. What is odd is that we go on trips and always hang out yet this impending "wedding" makes me feel awkard. I know there isnt one but the idea that there could be makes me uncomfortable. She told me that I could step away if i so choose or stay and wait for her to deal with those issues.

We are both 27 years old.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 5 years ago.
The attitude of deal with it or step away is a little disconcerting and makes me fear that there will be some sort of repercussions later on down the line. It's been a year, she's dated other people besides you and yet she still allows herself to be manipulated by him and his family. That in itself is concerning because you have to wonder if she will ever be free of them or exactly how much of her life they can and will affect. You have to decide how strongly you feel about her....if you think you might be in love with her, you may want to stick it out a while longer and see what happens. Talk to her about what she plans on doing about it over the long term, or if she even has a plan for dealing with it, and what her time frame is. Because it's the children's grandmother, her realistic time frame might be another 16 years. You say you know what this is like, so you also know how it can turn out. You can't make her see things your way, she either has to figure it out, or you'll have to make a decision. I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more

Chase
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Sadly, she will state things such as "I can always get a divorce" or "I should give it a shot for my mom-inlaw". I do feel very strong feelings for her hence the reason why I stay and she has told me that she has very strong feelings for me as well. I wont force the issue nor will i bend things to my will because again.....I have done those things and i deeply regret doing them. I just dont see why people place themselves in loveless marraiges.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 5 years ago.
There's many reasons why people get into loveless marriages; for the children, weak personalities, money, safety, it's what's expected, feeling forced or obligated. He mother in law doesn't have to live with, sleep with or deal with the man, so giving it a shot for the mother in law makes no sense. Marrying with the stipulation that you can always get a divorce is half of what's wrong with marriage today, people look at is as a disposable act. What happened to marrying someone you truly love and want to spend your life with? If you feel strongly for her, the only thing you can do is give it time and see what happens. I'm always around if you want to talk,

Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience: Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
Ms Chase and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

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