How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Ms Chase Your Own Question

Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Ms Chase is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

I am in love with my employee - problem is he is a married

Customer Question

I am in love with my employee - problem is he is a married man and straight. He is extremely, extremely shy and reserved, but a very good human being. Shows very little emotion, if any at all. But he shows subtle signs of annoyance when I am close to other men.What do i do ?How do I get over it?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 5 years ago.
Hello Leo,

Does he know you are gay?

What are your ages?

Has he ever given you an indication that he is gay or interested?

When was your last relationship?

Why did it end?

Chase
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

I am sure he is aware of it. He is definitely not gay. I am about five years older than him. As i said he is painfully, painfully shy,shows no emotional at all, loves his wife - so for him to show even the slightest form of intersest is a big deal. And I am sure he feels somewhat jealoos , or perhaps curious, when I show intersest in others.

 

I have had a relationship with another person recently. When I say relationship, it is a physical one and one sided (I hope you know what I mean - he received oral). He was also straight and married.

Expert:  Ms Chase replied 5 years ago.
Thank you Leo for the additional info, and your candor :) I'm curious about your seeming pattern of dealing with married men. What do you think it is that attracts you to them? Is it the conquest of having something forbidden (Straight/married), is it avoiding commitment because you know they are married, or is it something else?

I wouldn't automatically assume that what he's showing interest if he's not given you any other signs, he could be curious to see if you are hitting on them, and/or what their reactions are. I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more

Chase
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I would like a little bit more insight. I do not look at it as if it were a challenge. I really do not think of it as a conquest.The one that I had an affair with is in not so good a marriage and perhaps that is why he showed interest me. My employee does show interest. Is it possible that he is jealous and at the same time not interested?What is it?More importantly, what should I do?
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 5 years ago.
Hi Leo

99% of everything we do, we do for a reason or because we 'get something out of it', so when you find yourself doing something more than once, it's always good to question your motives, especially when we do something that is frowned upon socially, like getting involved with someone who is married. Marriage is a promise, and whether it's between same-sex couples or heterosexual couples, it's supposed to have a meaning. If someone is not happy in their marriage, instead of getting involved with someone else, they should try to work on the marriage or leave. It's sounds simplistic of course, but when another person gets involved, it takes the focus off dealing with the marriage.

I'm not sure what the basis of your boss's interest is in you. I do know that you have two very good reasons not to get involved with him and one would be that he's your boss. If you care about your job, you won't want to jeopardize it, and deal with potential repercussions. The other reason is that he's married. It's almost important to realize that it doesn't matter if he is curious, jealous, interested, not interested, because he's married and should be considered off-limits. It's my suggestion that you simply try to get past your feelings and emotions toward him....keep yourself busy with other things, or get out and meet other people. I know this isn't easy, when you feel that you have fallen in love with someone, but I still ask that you think about how you could fall in love with someone who is so unattainable and has not returned your affection. This is more like infatuation and you'll want to look at your feelings objectively and decide if you want to move past them or act on them. I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more.

Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience: Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
Ms Chase and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

Hello Chase,

the past has shown me that men do get interested in me , once they get to know me- prhaps because I am kind of outgoing and perhaps flirty, unintentionally. I have never cated on geting close to them, even when oppportunity presented itself. But lately, I feel more intense about my feelings and i think about it all the time. What gives?

Expert:  Ms Chase replied 5 years ago.
Hello Leo

To be clear, you think about what all the time? Your boss or your feelings?

Chase
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Both. I think about him, I think about how not to be so attracetd; I think about his intersest in me - if there is one at all; he always tries to please me, why?
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 5 years ago.
Leo,

I think I made a mistake, does he work for you or do you work for him? I just noticed you called him your employee (I thought you said employer) but when I referred to him as your boss you didn't correct me?

Chase
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
You are right - he works for me. As I have mentioned , he is completely devoid of any visual emotions - but I am neither lying , nor imagining that he has some strange feelings for me - maybe becuase I have helped him so much. He does get a littlebit envious when he realises that I am getting close to other guys ( the one that i had an affair with).
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 5 years ago.
THIS ANSWER IS LOCKED!
You can view this answer by clicking here to Register or Login and paying $3.
If you've already paid for this answer, simply Login.

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency