How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask KimberlyF Your Own Question

KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
KimberlyF is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

My question is 2-fold I have a 31 year-old girl friend whom

Customer Question

My question is 2-fold: I have a 31 year-old girl friend whom I've known since middle school. She went to I.U., I went to Butler; many of our common high school and college friends are now married with children, including myself. I have never known this friend to have a romantic relationship, she says she desperately wants a family, etc. yet she doesn't date. She gets weirded out if she sees PDA, her parents don't sleep in the same room, and there is speculation that her mom is really a lesbian. So, my questions are, can I help aide my friend to find her sexual identity, and, if so,... how? Thanks!
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 7 years ago.


I don't think anyone but your friend can figure out her sexual indentity, she has to figure out for herself but what you can do is talk to her and ask her if she is attracted to the same sex and tell her if she is she has to do what makes her happy and not what makes everyone around her happy and that you support her no matter what her sexual orientation is. If she does come out as being gay don't desert her stay close to her and show her that you love and support her no matter what and unconditionally, she may have been waiting for someone to tell her it's okay. Sometime people that struggle with they sexual identity feel alone because they feel as though they may lose friend if they come out as being gay or liking the same sex. Also reassure her if she does come out that she can still have children through other means.


If she denies being gay then tell her that if she ever needs to talk to you, you will be there for her no matter what it is, she may not be ready to be honest with herself let alone anyone else but at least you opened that door. The only person that can help her figure out what she wants in a mate is her don't pressure her or it will make her shut down even more because people that are struggling with the sexual orientation are usually ashame to come out because the way society looks down on them and it could take one good friend to make them realize that all they need is one person to understand what they are going through and it makes it easier so just be her ear when she needs you to be.

KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience: Relationship expert for almost three years with
KimberlyF and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 7 years ago.

Thanks KimberlyF,

I thought you might say something like that. I know it's a journey of self-awareness but my concern is that I may offend her, and she's getting too old to not know by now/be in denial. This is something that all of us close to her have struggled with, do we say something or not? And, truthfully, I don't even know if she has lesbian tendencies... at this point, I would call her asexual. I think either way, gay or straight, she is uncomfortable with that aspect of herself. And, she's even said that if she's still single by the time she's 35, that she'll get A.I. Yet, as one of her closest friends, I feel it's almost my duty to help her down the path of self-discovery because after spending a few days with her on a trip to Chicago last week, I realized how critical of others, and negative she's become.

Thanks again for your insight, I appreciate it!


Expert:  KimberlyF replied 7 years ago.


As a friend we always want to save our friends and you want the best for her so tell her that before you ask but definitely ask her to be honest with you and herself and ask her could it be that she is sexually attracted to women and is afraid that people would judge her. If she finally figures out what it is she wants she may become a more pleasant person I think she is frustrated and that frustration has made her negative and lonely and sad. There has to be a reason why she hasn't had a long term relationship and if she discovers who she really is then she can be completely happy within herself and her life.

JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Previous | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX

Meet The Experts:

  • Kate McCoy

    Kate McCoy


    Satisfied Customers:

    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
< Last | Next >
  • Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy


    Satisfied Customers:

    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist


    Satisfied Customers:

    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • Ms Chase's Avatar

    Ms Chase

    Life Coach

    Satisfied Customers:

    Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
  • Alicia_MSW's Avatar



    Satisfied Customers:

    Specializing in relationship/family counseling
  • Dr. Norman Brown's Avatar

    Dr. Norman Brown

    Marriage Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    Family Therapist & teacher 35+ yrs; PhD research in couples
  • Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L


    Satisfied Customers:

    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • Suzanne's Avatar


    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency