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KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with
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I cheated on my husband shortly before our 1 yr. anniversary.

Resolved Question:

I cheated on my husband shortly before our 1 yr. anniversary. I feel absolutely awful about it and I am trying to decide if it would be better for our relationship to tell him, or just keep it bottled up inside. He's a pretty insecure person, so I don't want to make him feel worse about himself because of my action...
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 8 years ago.

HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on JustAnswer. By the way, it would help us to know:


-What are your ages?


-Why did you feel the need to cheat?


-Do you and your husband get along for the most part?


-How many times did you cheat?

-Could you explain your situation a little more?

Thank you again for trusting us with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that we can finish answering your question.

Customer: replied 8 years ago.

I am 25, and he is 28. We've been together for 4 1/2 years total. He is an amazing person - he is very caring, helps me with everything around the house, listens to me... everything I would need in a relationship. We do everything together and we usually have a great time.


There are some times when I get frustrated because he is a very shy person, and would rather stay home than go out with friends, yet I really enjoy going out and socializing.


I didn't really plan to cheat, I just started talking to a co-worker one day, and decided to go out for drinks. For some reason, it felt really good to be with someone else, and I was really turned on. We had sex once, and then I decided to cut it off (mainly because I saw how conceided the guy was).


Now all I want to do is erase that one mistake, and act like it never happened, but I know that's not possible. That one time made me realize how great I have it, and I feel horrible about screwing it up. I know the best choice would probably be to tell him and let him make the decision to stay in the relationship. But I feel like, if I tell him, then there will be no chance for us to go back to the way we were. So would it just be better to hide it from him? If I should tell him, how would I even begin to tell him?

Expert:  KimberlyF replied 8 years ago.


Living the rest of your married life with a lie will eventually take it's toll on you and the marriage it's always important for you to be honest with your husband it will allow him the chance to make up his own mind if he wants to stay in the marriage and it will also relieve you of any guilt you might have later down the line. If you do not tell your husband and he hears it from someone else it will make the marriage much more stressful than if he heard from you the woman he loves. I think if you are honest you can work on things and also be able to tell your husband that you want him to hang out more with friend with you, explain to him it wasn't him and that he is all you want. If this guy is that conceited you best believe he will say something to someone to hype up his image and it could very well get back to your husband especially if you both have mutual friends that work where you work.


I think you should pick a night and sit him down and tell him it wouldn't be fair to your husband for you to keep this secret from him. Tell him you are telling him this because you want to be honest and work things out and you knew you could not do it if you were living a lie. If he is angry with you allow him to have that anger and voice his feelings part of healing is letting your true feelings out. You are going to have to prove to him that you are not going to do that again and build up the trust again. Ask him if he is willing to go out with friend at least twice a week with you, or go to a movie and a dinner just as long as you get out of the house make a date night twice a week this will bring some passion back into the marriage but make sure you tell him this only after you work through this indiscretion.


You have to be willing to do whatever he wants you to do after that and if it is time he needs give him that and don't ask him how much time he needs allow him to figure out when the time is right.

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