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KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with
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I have a friend who was abused as a teenager and she has not

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I have a friend who was abused as a teenager and she has not been in a serious relationship since. My friend has however been in a relationship of sorts with one of our friends husband. She has said she did not pursue him that he came after her she knew it was wrong but said she got stuck and didnt know what to do. Could her previous abuse have clouded or not helped in her seeing right from wrong.

HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on JustAnswer. By the way, it would help us to know:


-What is her age now?


-What was her age when the abuse happened?


-Is she still dating the husband of this friend?

Thank you again for trusting us with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that we can finish answering your question.




Customer: replied 8 years ago.
Hi is now 33 and the abuse happened from 16 through to 20. No she's not in the relationship anymore




I do think that the abuse had a lot to do with her not realizing it was wrong I think she was looking for anyone to love her and she didn't care who it was as long as they showed her attention because of the abuse it probably little by little made her for like she was nothing and didn't deserve to be loved and she wanted to prove that she did deserve love just like everyone else. It was just unfortunate that the person that showed her attention and love was a married man and it was a false sense of love but it didn't matter to her because someone was showing her love instead of hate and she believed that she truly deserved that feeling but didn't realize that she was putting a marriage in jeopardy in the process.


As long as she realized that it was wrong eventually and corrected that mistake and stopped seeing the marriage guy, she finally realized that it was a situation she shouldn't be in not to mention that it was a friends husband that is always off limits. If she didn't get counseling for her abuse then she may repeat the same behavior. When someone is abused for that long there is no way they can correct it on their own because of the abuse they feel like nothing and were probably told they weren't nothing and their self esteem was probably damaged. That is what the abuser wants them to feel like that is why they abuse besides the fact that they themselves may have been abused when younger and just carried on the abuse and if they do not get help they will only carry it on and on and on.


Talk to the friend and ask her to get help with this issue so that she doesn't make this mistake again. She has to realize that it was not her fault that she was abused it's the abusers fault and that she is worth having love and affection shown to her just not by a married man by someone that can give all of himself to her and not just part of himself because he is sharing the affection with someone else.


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