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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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my daughter is 20 but has been seeing her boyfriend for 2 years

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my daughter is 20 but has been seeing her boyfriend for 2 years he is 24 years old. In this time he has called her a slut,whore and a bitch. When things dont go his way he gets mad at her and wont talk to her. I feel he is trying to control her. His mood swings are impossible, one minute he is on top of the world and in a split second he can become mad. He says he loves her and yet he pushes her away, wipes off her kisses and doesnt seem to be that loving. He has came over quite often as well with alcohol on his breath. What do you feel the problem may be. We would like to help her without causing to much trouble. Thanks for your help.
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.

Are you the mother or the father?

Does your daughter live with you?

He has been doing this all of the two years they've been together?

Does your daughter have a history of drugs or drinking?

Is she working? in school?

How does she feel about it?

Customer: replied 8 years ago.
yes, I am the mother and she does live with us and works fulltime and goes to school full time. No my daughter had never taken drugs nor drinks. She has always been very happy and well adjusted. She hates the way he treats her but says she is in love with him. Yes he has treated her this way for the entire two years and what I told you is only the tip of the iceberg. He has broke her phone, called and cussed out her friends. Called me a not so nice name. sits outside the front of the house texting her and calling her nonstop. I at times have been really scared for her safety although he has never touched her that I know of. I feel he has a mental problem or a drug and alcohol problem. His behavior is so unstable it seems like. He has been arrested twice for drugs and alcohol before.

Thanks again for your help.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.
HelloCustomerbr />
I know that you are probably scared for your daughter and nervous how things will turn out and you probably should be. It's possible that she may be in love with him and if he has constantly asserted his authority over her and controlled her, it's possible that she doesn't know how to think for herself or how to act/react in this situation.

Believe it or not, the best thing you can do is continue to be a mother and a friend to her. Talk to her about her self esteem, and being an independent woman, and not letting anyone take advantage of her or treat her badly....not him, not anyone. Loving yourself before loving anyone else. Love doesn't mean controlling someone or treating them like dirt, and she may have forgotten this. The good thing about children is that they eventually fall back on what they've been taught. So if you've instilled values about love, and self respect, then eventually she will fall back on those values.

I'm not sure what her reasonings are for being with him through all of this, often it relates to her relationship or lack of relationship with her father, but I cannot know what her issues are without speaking to her. I would be willing to talk to her if you wanted me to. I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more

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