How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Walter Your Own Question

Walter
Walter, Relationship Mentor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 11528
Experience:  Mentoring couples on relationship issue and self understanding. (JA's Relationship Mentor)
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Walter is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

im in love with a married man and he has treated me better

Resolved Question:

im in love with a married man and he has treated me better than anyone that i have dated. he wants me to have his child he says he loves me but i feel bad because he's married what should i do?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Walter replied 5 years ago.

Hello,

 

How long have you been dating him?

 

Is he willing to leave his wife, or does he want you to be the other women forever?

 

Does he have other children?

 

How is he planning on helping you with the child?

 

How do you feel about all this?

 

Walter

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I've only been dating him for 4 months, and when i met him he told me that he was going through a divorce but it was alot estate and after that i really never heard anything else about it, we don't talk about it at all. he has no children but i have one. I feel bad talking to a married man, never did this before but he has really been there for me alot, financially, physically and mentally. what should i do i like him alot but i don't have alot of respect for him because of what he's doing to his wife, and he really wants to get me pregnant what will he tell his wife an outside child would not be hidden for long.
Expert:  Walter replied 5 years ago.

Hello,

 

Sounds like you already have some questions on how this will work out, and you are right a child will not stay hidden for long. A more pressing point do you really want the father of your child hiding that fact? A even bigger issue is what happens if his wife finds out and decides she does not want him to have anything to do with you or the child from now on? The fact is it would not be the first time a man has abandoned a child simply because his wife made him do so. Do you really want to set your child up for that kind of rejection?

 

What you are doing is not right.......but you do not need me to tell you that. You already know this is not fair to yourself or to his wife. You are a women who deserves to have a guy who puts you above everything else and wants you only. He made a commitment and a promise to his wife, and is breaking it. Which is wrong, but if he is unhappy in his marriage then he must get out of it. If he is truly getting a divorce then this would be diffrent...........but you know as well as I do that if you are looking to divorce someone you do not stay with them.

 

The relationship is troubled to begin with, adding a child is not going to help matters. If you really love him and he really loves you then it is time to take a stand and let him know that while you may want to be in a relationship children need to wait until he has decided what and who he wants. Now I would not advise a child right now based solely on the fact that you have only known him 4 months.....that is not long enough to build a lasting relationship let alone time to build a family.

 

It sounds like you already know that relationships do not last........do you want your child growing up with a father in a different home and having to explain to your child that you made the choice to have him or her with a married man? This is going to be a valid question your child is going to ask someday..........do you really want to answer that?

 

Everything you do now will effect your child, the last thing you want is to have to raise a child alone or with a man who has so little respect for you or his own child that he would even begin to place you in this position. If he really wants a child with you then why would he want to put his own child in this position? The fact is things happen sometimes......but any man who would intentionally set out to put his child in a situation such as this is not a very good man nor would he likely be a very good father.

 

What I would suggest is you sit down with him and decide what you both want. If he really wants to be with you then he needs to end it with his wife. I do not condone this and I really think he is quite shallow to do this to you and his wife but the reality is it is better for him to leave her now if he wants to be with you. Continuing to be in this type of relationship is not good for you.

 

You deserve a man who is going to be with you and you only. Ideally you would break this off, but I understand this is not always as easy done. Either way continuing this relationship and adding a child to it is simply not a good idea for anyone....least of all your child.

 

Walter

Walter, Relationship Mentor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 11528
Experience: Mentoring couples on relationship issue and self understanding. (JA's Relationship Mentor)
Walter and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency