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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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Is there any hope for me and my best friend to go beyond that though

Customer Question

Is there any hope for me and my best friend to go beyond that?though she knows how i feel is there any advice or something that you can tell me.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 5 years ago.
Hello James

How long have you been friends?

What are your ages?

Do you know how she feels about how you feel?

Does she want to go further?

Chase
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
We have been friends now for about a year and 2 months,we are both 18,I'm turning 19 in a month.Yes she knows how i feel and the thing is i don't think she does but i was hoping that maybe since the last time i told her i liked her about 9 months ago things would be different and we can go beyond best friends.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 5 years ago.
James,

I'm going to keep things very upfront.....if someone cares about you, you wouldn't have to ask. If she was attracted to you and wanted to be with you, she would be. You told her how you feel and put the ball in her court, thats all you can do. If she hasn't stepped up to the plate, then I would say to let it go, so that you don't ruin the friendship. On the other hand, once you decide to let it go and move on, it may make her notice what she's missing and could cause a change of heart, but you can't depend on that, you have to take a chance and really commit yourself to moving on, and if it changes things, then great but if not you'll have to accept that.

Chase
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I can see where your getting at,see letting go and moving on is so hard because she is the closest person I've let into my life.I just wouldn't be able to let it go i mean what if i were to take the risk of ruining the friendship could there be a chance that things might happen.To add on to this alittle bit more I'm going to go visit her in Austin Texas in december to like january is making a final attempt okay to see if there really is anything between us?
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 5 years ago.
I'm not telling you to let go of the friendship, not at all. Friendship is precious and so hard to find, but if you push her in a direction she is not willing to go, then not only are you not being a good friend, you may also push her away. You have to understand that just because you have these feelings, doesn't mean that she feels the same way.....this is unfortunate, and also the reason why people hesitate to make close friends of the opposite sex, because if the other person catches feelings, then the whole friendship becomes uncomfortable. I think if you want to tell her again how you feel, and see what she says, thats your decision....at some point it may make her uncomfortable. I still truly believe if there was feelings 'like that' for you, she would have already let you know that.

Chase
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Thank you for all your input on this,I understand everything you said but since I've known her so long she has always waited for the guy to make the move.So thats where i can she wouldn't let me know because every guy shes been with has always made the move.People always say take a risk cause life is all about taking risk,I'd like to believe thats true because if a person were to sit on the sidelines then he'd lose his chance at person who could have been his ms.right.I just don't get how i would be pushing her into a direction she doesn't want to go down,that part seems to be the only part that is confusing me.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 5 years ago.
I can only go by what you explain to me...this is the first time you are telling me that you think she is like this. I'm not saying not to take a chance, I'm telling you that you told her once how you feel, and nothing.....are you saying that after you told her how you felt, she wouldn't have made a move....? It seems like you already made a move to no avail. You seem pretty set on bringing it up to her again, and when I say pushing her in a direction she doesn't want to go, I'm saying that if she didn't accept you as more than a friend the first time, going down the same road again could make her feel that you are pushing an issue that she may have felt she was clear on. If you feel that strongly about it, then go ahead and take the risk, buy her something beautiful, and tell her how you feel. All she can say is yes or no, and if she says yes, it would be great.

Chase
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Thank you for the clarification on that and from what i knew about all her past ex's is that once they made there move she didn't do anything so the guys had step up again.From what i heard from her ex's and a little bit from herself,I know that i can't just not let her know how i feel and i thank you for all your help this is close to the answer i was looking fo.And i have the perfect thing for her since I'm visiting her in december,see shes totally into penguins so i found a giant stuffed animal penguin and i know shes going to love it.I'm going to tell her this last time and wait for her response,I have one last question on this see a lot of people have been telling me that the next and only way to know if theres chemistry between us is if i kissed her.Would you say to follow that advice i was given or just go with something else?
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 5 years ago.
If you mean kiss her without her consent, I would disagree. It's like that in the movies but rarely happens like that in real life. I would say wait till you are alone together, tell her how you feel and maybe try to take her in your arms and see how she reacts. To just kiss someone without them knowing it's coming could be scary...as could the response. Then again, you seem determined to jump in feet first, so i would say go with how you feel. :)
I think the penguin idea is great, and I hope for the best result for you. If you like, come back and tell me how it works out, I would love to know.

Warmly

Chase
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Well not kiss her without her consent i mean my pervious ex's liked that i would kiss them without asking,but i can see what you mean since she is my best friend,i mean the whole time we are going to hang out its just going to be us.Thank you for all that you had said and i sure am going to take everything you said to heart and yeah i tend to jump feet first in everything i do but thats what makes me me i guess.And i wll make sure to fill you in when the time comes,and i do love the penguin idea to since thats the animal she says is her favorite and had tons of peguin book covers for her books.And again the kiss would be alone not around other people cause then that sure would be scary on both parts.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 5 years ago.
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