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-Could you explain her relationship with her parents and childhood?
-Were her and her mother close?
-Did she go through anything else traumatic?Thank you again for trusting us with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that we can finish answering your question.
It's totally okay I am on your time whenever you can get back to me is fine. It sounds as though your wife has had a lot to deal with recently which has made things worse but it may depression or something more serious and I think you should suggest to your wife to see someone who can test her and see if she may need medication but I am not a Health Expert but it sounds as though when she hit 40 she got into a funk and hasn't been able to get out of it so in saying that I also suggest your wife seek counseling before it's too late she has been trying to handle everything alone and it has not worked and now it is affecting your sex life and marriage. Marriage counseling could also help you both communicate what the other wants out of the marriage, the fact that it has been 12 years since she asked you to get intimate should have thrown up a red flag that she is going through something where she has lost her sex drive and losing her dog and step father and mother all within a year only intensified her lack of desire to be intimate and if you do not want to lose your wife you have to get her to a Doctor or Psychologist to see if she may be bipolar or something other than that and if she needs to be put on medication.
I really don't think it has anything to do with you I think it is an issues your wife has that makes her unable to show much affection anymore or get intimate the sooner you talk to her about seeing a counselor or Doctor the better she will be able to become maybe with help from medication but you have to get her diagnosed.