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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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I have a girlfriend that Ive been dating for about two months.

Resolved Question:

I have a girlfriend that I've been dating for about two months. she's really nice and is willing to put up with me when I'm grumpy. The problem is in the communication department. I enjoy listening to what she has to say, I get the general concept of what she is talking about, but when I talk to her it's different. She, quite often, jumps in front of my story to draw her own conclusion about what happened instead of listening. If it's not that she tells me that she doesn't understand when I feel that I've clearly explained myself. Can you help?
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.
Hello Mike,

What are your ages?

Where did the two of you meet?

Are you livin together?

Have you talked to her about this issue?

Any other relationship issues?

chase
Customer: replied 8 years ago.
I'm 22 she's 21. We meet at a country club in San Diego. We are not living together although we do spend night at each others places about 2 to 3 times a week. I have asked her about why she jumps in front my stories, and she replied that she just think she knows everything. As far as your last question, well we all have other relationship issues ms chase, but this is the one I feel unable to handle.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.
Mike,

One of the more important aspects of a relationship is communication. When you tell her that you feel she is cutting you off, she should pay more attention to her habit of doing it. If she can't, then you need to bring it up, every time she does it. You can let her know in advance that you've decided to do this to give her an idea of what you're talking about. Listening is just as an important skill as talking, and if you are with someone whose not listening to you, it can be as bad or worse as when you have someone who won't listen. So it's important to let her know that it bothers you and point it out when it happens as an example, even if all you say it "you're doing it again" or "let me finish". If not, it will probably get worse. At some point you have to assess how self-absorbed she is and see if there is room for her to be able to have a give and take relationship. I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more.

chase
Customer: replied 8 years ago.
Ms chase, thanks for answering so promptly, but I'm not completely satisfied here. I understand the importance of communication. Maybe my question wasn't so precise, I apologize. I should point out that I do say "let me finish" enough to where it is an issue. My question should have been how do I assess how self-absorbed she is and if there is room for her to be able to have a give and take relationship? Whose knows maybe the answer is clearer than I realize. I would highly appreciate if you could answer this question in "good faith" instead of another 15 dollars off my acount.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.
Hello Mike, couple of things here

1. Your deposit remains in your account until you click the green accept button, which you can do when you do feel satisfied with my help.

2. We can talk back and forth a few times until you feel you've been helped. I don't know you or your situation, so I have to get what I can, from what you write. That's why I said let me know if you want to talk more. I want to help work this out with you if we can.

As to your question, you've been dating two months and already you are spending 2-3 nights a week together. It may have been more prudent to have waited before getting so intimately involved, that way you could have seen these particular quirks beforehand. We have to learn to take things a little slower, to give ourselves the opportunity to really get a sense of someones personality before committing ourselves.

You have a point, the answer may be clearer than you realize. The best indicator of future behavior is past behavior. All you can do is tell her how it bothers you (concisely and succinctly), and either she will care enough to compromise or she's be too self-absorbed to care or change. Only you can judge where you think she's at with it.
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