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Walter
Walter, Relationship Mentor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 11528
Experience:  Mentoring couples on relationship issue and self understanding. (JA's Relationship Mentor)
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my ex-husband wants us to remarry. i was devestated when he

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my ex-husband wants us to remarry. i was devestated when he ended our marriage of 27 years becaue i was fatally ill. A surprise to everyone, especially the researcher experimenting on me, i survived and thrived. the divorce took place seven years ago; we have no children. he spent the years in between with ayoung woman 35 years his junior. she left him last year, then he initiated contact with me. i am 54, ivy-educated and attractive. due to residual problems from my illness i am not able to go out very much, so I am lonely. i do not trust him.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Walter replied 5 years ago.

Hi,

 

You say he wants to remarry............how do you feel? You know what he has done, and how he did this to you when you needed him most. Are you prepared to forgive him for this and let it go? The reason I ask is because in the end it really does not matter how much you love him or how lonely you feel...........if you can not forgive him for what he did to you then you will always hold that in your heart and eventually you will come to resent him.

 

I can not tell you what to do, only you know what you really want and what you really need. I can tell you that what he did was not only incredibly selfish but was deep down wrong. Regardless of how he felt he made a vow and he broke it over his own insecurities about your illness. He had it good.....yet was to shallow to see beyond his own desires. Is that what you really want in a partner.

 

Life is short as you have already learned.........you have looked death in the eye and come back fighting! To waste that on a man who has no more spirit then he has seems a travesty to say the least. Though in the end what you want and need is far more important then what I or anyone else thinks about him.

 

What I would suggest is sitting down and making a list of the things you want and need out of a partner and then consider how your ex stacks up against what you need. If there is enough reason to give him a second chance then do so......but do so with eyes wide open. Do not jump blindly into this relationship. Insist on marriage counseling and set down some ground rules. I would suggest taking this on a trial run before remarriage that way if you simply can not give it a go, you have a easier way out then divorce.

 

If after weighing your needs against who he is you decide he is simply never going to be what you need I would suggest opening up to find what you do need. Just because you can not get out does not mean you have to stay single. Consider online dating sites, I know it seems odd or even frightening but the reality is online dating sites cut out all the middle boring dates and give you a chance to get to know someone before investing to much time in dating.

 

In the end you have done a amazing thing........finding love and happiness is nothing compared to what you have already done.

 

Walter

Walter, Relationship Mentor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 11528
Experience: Mentoring couples on relationship issue and self understanding. (JA's Relationship Mentor)
Walter and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
About Walter -- Relationship Mentor -- This was something I asked on a whim. I was not expecting much. I was stunned by Walter's response. It was direct, gave me suggestions on how to figure out what to think and what to do to understand the possibilities for the future very clearly. Walter was considerate, believed that I was fatally ill (my ex used to laugh at that), and said "...In the end you have done an amazing thing..." referring to my unexpected survival. I never thought it was any big deal, but he made me feel the truth--it was truly amazing. Whenever I see the staff at the researcher's office who treated me, they always say "Oh, here she is, the one who made it."

Walter opened my eyes, made me cry and made me understand what to do. There is no way that I can ever forgive or forget what my ex-husband did to me--it sticks in my throat to this day. Of course I can fulfill my needs with another, more caring person. Walter gets an A+++, well earned. I may be back looking for you. Don't stray too far, please.Wink
Expert:  Walter replied 5 years ago.

I will always be here for you...........I love my job and its people such as yourself who remind me every day that there is true strength in this world. Thank you so much for your kind words.....your survival inspires me as I am sure it has the staff at your researchers office.

 

Never quit trying....I am so pleased to see you did not fall for your ex's antics. I could never tell you what to do, but was praying you would see him for who he really is and learn to walk away.

 

I do wish you the best, XXXXX XXXXX you ever need anything do not hesitate to ask.

 

Walter

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Thank you.

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