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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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Well was with my now ex for about 6 years hes in Canada Im

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Well was with my now ex for about 6 years hes in Canada Im in the USA 29 and 27, but we have lived together and flown a lot, pretty serious relationship. Pretty loving and close natured relationshp as a whole. Unfortantly he broke up some months back he says that he has given me a lot of chances and my crediblity I have lost. I did something mean I accussed him of being gay and I made a small lie. Now I did that out of my own insecurities no not that hes gay but because of attention.. I missed him a lot and wanted his attention it was immature and childish he also says that he was upset that he would tell me something and I would say i dont have to listen to you your not my dad in sorta a snotty way, and he says it was rude and he got tired of hearing that. I think he felt unappreciated in some ways and that I dont respect him. I went ahead and took responsibility apologized to him because I didnt realize that made him so upset.. lack of communication here, and because of the lie and gay thing was not nice he didnt deserve it he didnt do anything wrong that day i just outlashed.. he says that I changed on a dime. Now granted I do feel we could of worked it out and he didnt have to just walk away, but I also see his shoes because I care about him. The problem comes into play because he was helping me out financially some what.. so yeah hes gonna feel unappreciated here, I asked him if he loves me and he says I did love you, I said are you in love with me? He says i can say that I am still in love yes. He left me on his messenger, during the breakup he said that I am lucky hes even doing that after something like this but because its me he is doing it. He says after what i did he doesnt want anyone. He still blames the breakup on me obviously very angry.

Now over time I have worked on myself and a lot of improvements for MYSELF have been made but I also took into account how we both flawed in the relationship and what could of been done better as a lesson learned and I have worked on these things. I would really love to rekindle this relationship we really do not argue like this, we are overall good at fixing what is wrong in our relationship and we are very close, this has been our first real huge ordeal.

I do not contact him at this point because I dont want to look over needy here I sorta made a fuss and acted despearte huge turn off at the breakup point. So now I just give him his space.

The last time we talked he was asking a lot of questions about how life is going..but also he still seems angry and unforgiving about the situation in other words u cant bring it up gotta talk of other things. but this convo we had could just be friendly though.. but i asked him if he misses me I shouldnt ask that I wont again but he says yes he does.. that could just mean friendly and because i asked didnt want to hurt me who knows or even he just misses the convo nothing more, because this contact was made by me not him so he cant miss me to much here. he says I can still talk, but just mitigate the reminding me, and right now there is no working it out. He also says I would like to believe you have made some improvements but it will take time because you changed on a dime and it ruined your credibility with me. So i said Ill continue to let you be. I want to make sure I am respecting his space and my space. And we haven't talked since.. been about one week, I was going to do a 30 day no contact.. although we broke up a while now.

So my question is.. As i am fine letting this go only because I love him dearly for his happiness.. and I believe God is great and what he needs in life he is a SPECIAL person I want him to obtain. I also must admit to though that this is def. a great man that I would love to rekindle a relationship with and spend more time with. I have done a lot of the healing still healing though painbody is still there and even have gone out lived my life..but I have realized I want to pursue him if there is possibility for us of course I want him to want this only not out of pity or pressure.


My question is.. is he just trying to be friends or is there a possibility he sees it as friends to maybe more later is he open to retrusting I cannot tell or is it a cake and eat it too or string along? Whats the chances he will contact me.. or should I say hi how are u every once in a while to him..? I did agree with the breakup because I know he didn't deserve that treatment so I told him I will agree, I feel to just agree is a better way to be then to argue no way u will come out better that way.

Some people say hes over reacting some say its a cop out, but I feel he was really hurt.

Thanks sorry so long.. lol
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 5 years ago.
Hello,

Six years is a really long time to be with someone, and it's understandable that you would want to go back, in retrospect, if he was a good person. Every relationship has it's ups and downs, and it's really how we handle those ups and downs that shows the type of person we are, and whether or not the relationship will last.

It's difficult to say how he sees you if he's not willing to come out and tell you how he feels. I don't think it would be an issue to call him once in a while and see how he's doing, but as you mentioned, you don't want to ask him if he misses you and things like that. In fact, the more disinterested you act, the more likely it is that his interest in you will come back. When you talk to him, be sure to only talk about the good things in your life, and how busy and happy you are. Whenever possible, make sure you're the first to get off the phone, because you have things to do, or somewhere to go (never be specific). After a while, you may see a bit of a change in his attitude. Not guaranteed, but it can work.

If nothing ever does happen, at least you know that the way you handled things in the past is not right, and you've had a chance to grow and learn from your mistakes. I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more

Chase
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Well he says why give forgiveness.. for the abuse i gave him for the bad thing i did, he throws the blame at me real hard. Although I have already admitted my wrong doings and taking action.. he says he cannot trust me and my credibility has been lost and he says I would like to believe your improvements but it will take time for me to see this improvement. But how can i build trust from LDR.. if we dont talk much.. i would have to initiate it right if I expect him to see the improvements.. or do i wait for him to contact me. i would have to msg him and talk to him more to do that... he doesnt seem to msg me or call me first.. or is this just some sad line to string me. Do i truly need to wait for him to msg me first to get into more of a convo since men are the hunters? I sorta feel like.. he feels I have all the work to do.. and hes not gonna lower his pride to contact me if I did what i did to him type thing, its like he feels ill just be waiting for him to make a move when hes ready because i did the wrong thing so ball in his court obviously. So im scared to look to needy here..



During the breakup he said this:
right now were not working it out or after what you did I dont want anyone... and the whole we can talk... just dont mention it again... Also if you asked do u love me? they say i did love you, are you still in love? Yes i can say im still in love. Also around the break up this was strange but I said so well never see each other again a real visit face to face? and he said Imsure well see each other again. But it made no sense with the breakup. Does this mean to you they dont love anymore. Is this really a string along.. or just give me space..... possible friends slowly... maybe more.. or just go away forever.. or even I want to date around and cake eat it even. He doesnt msg me when i see him online.. i say hi only once in a while he will respond though, Im not sure if he will contact me first... do you think hes still angry... HOW CAN I OPEN UP COMMUNICATION... he will talk if i msg him and even ask questions.. but i feel like im being needy if i do that...but yet i want to build trust and go slowly if i can.. but he says right now there is no working it out.. but i wonder if in time with a slow friendship if i can reach that.. or i might be placed in friendship forever and listen to his dating... im a little confused on the proper way to approach this i guess you could say.. and I am willing to be patient with all this and slow and gentle.. but I also concern.. with his right now there is no working it out.. I dont know to take that as a string along. or take that as back off for a while.. or we can talk slowly and see ( of course its me initiating still and i guess just as his friend).. or just leave me alone.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 5 years ago.
The best thing to do is to tell him flat out "I want to try and work things out with you, but I see thats not what you want, so I'm going to just leave things be and move on. If you want to talk, you know how to reach me" and then move on with it. He told you that he doesn't want to work it out, but then he says you'll see each other again....it sounds like he wants to make you feel bad the way he feels, and that he thinks he can keep you hanging on, which he has. So you can only do two things, one...beg him to work things out with you, or two.....walk away and see if he follows. Either way you could win, but either way you could lose. Walking away is better to me, because you'll know how he truly feels while still keeping your self respect. I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more.

Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience: Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
Ms Chase and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

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