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KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with
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I was disfellowshipped from a church after 3 years of trying

Customer Question

I was "disfellowshipped from a church after 3 years of trying to work out the situation. Because I could not agree with the pastor and repent of rebellion, my husband and I decided to quietly leave and agree to disagree without causing problems. It was a horrible choice we had to make knowing we were letting go of everything we knew and had been tied to. When we left we were given a letter requiring us to come back under thier leadership and repent or be disfellowshiped and disciplined. We did not. We ended up moving. It's been 3 years and my heart still aches and becausee of our move we've had to adjust financially. I've been in and out of depression and have tried to maintain relationships but have been told that until I get it right with the elders, my closest of friends there cannot have naything to do with me.
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 8 years ago.

HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on Just Answer. By the way, it would help me to know:


-What are your ages?


-Are you talking about Jehovah's Witnesses?


-Could you explain why you got disfellowshipped?


-Do you feel like you want to go back to your religious?

Thank you again for trusting me with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that me can finish answering your question.

Customer: replied 8 years ago.


Hi....I am 45 and this began about 6 years ago. the pastor involved developed west nile and then encephalitis during that time and was near death and hospitalized. My hope was that GOD was my defender and that things would change. But, they didn't. Inuendos were made that I was some "Jezebel" or something and because I'm a woman worship leader I think there was worry about how that looked. So, I resigned in my frustration and yet because I loved to worship and felt called to it...I stupidly kept doing it. And then was required to do it...and then was fired for it.... We entered a series of control meetings. One of which I tried to apologize for any disrespect that I had conveyed . The pastor badgered me and questioned my sincerity in front of the other men until I was in a pool of tears. Another occasion he did nearly the same thing.


I am NOT talking about Jehovah's witnesses. I am a protestant Christian...really just a JESUS follower who went to a certain denomination which is not known for this type of thing.


I am staying faithful to JESUS without being loyal to any church or man. I learned that lesson...I think. But my heart is in pieces and doubt about who I am at the core of my soul is always there because of this.


I don't want to go back to that church. I just want some kind of justice for the damages I am left to deal with.


Thank you

Expert:  KimberlyF replied 8 years ago.




The only way you will get redemption is to go to another elder and plead your case other than that the only thing you could do is to take it as a learning experience that not all of Jesus' followers do the right thing and because they are human they err also and this elder had a real error in judgment when he lashed out at you without reason and if it can happen to you it can happen to someone else also. You need to go to the head of the church other than that elder and get justice other than that you can not get any other kind of justice because really the elder did nothing wrong, many people judge without really knowing what the other person is doing, it's blind judgment like that and moral misjudgment that has destroyed many people.


You need to realize that you did nothing wrong and don't allow those followers to win you can find a better church that you can worship Jesus and have friends that won't stab you in the back and spread lies about you, not all churches are alike there are some that genuinely want to worship Jesus wholeheartedly and without conditions. It seems that it wasn't your actions that got you disfellowshipped but jealousy took them over and they acted less than a Christian and you paid the price for such actions. If you don't move on from this they will have won and keep you down without even being involved in your life. Say and pray that God helps you get through this without hardening your heart and ask him to help you find a church that you can make true friends without the backstabbing.

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