I am 47, he is 58. I don't feel part of any of his friendsships - not because of their age though because I have been treated as an outsider.
We have no intimacy emotionally or physically - he rejects me and honestly, now I feel sick to my stomach after what his friend said to me whenever I think about being with him intimately. He still talks with her and I think that he has a thing for her and has for years. He did hang out with her and her friend, who he dated right before me.
She has played a lot of mind games with me and so has he. I have found pieces of jewelry in the house that are not mine and when I tell him, without accusing him of anything, he tells me I'm crazy and to get out, he wants a divorce. When I asked him about the shower comment that she made to me (she asked me to take a shower with her a year and a half ago) he said fine, go ahead. I went into confusion. I asked him later, why would she ask me that - he told me again, he wanted a divorce. He goes back and forth - he's lovey and wants me to stay, then two weeks later he tells me to go. He had me sign a paper when we refinanced the house (which is his house) to say that it is his sole property. His female friend has made comments to me such as, "if you leave, you will have to pay him alimony". I am not much money, and neither is he at this point, so I think that she was trying to scare me, which is really cruel. I just want out, but I care about him, and I am scared to make it on my own - I am trying so hard to find a job in AZ. I really don't see how it can work out when he will not let me talk to him. He has been very mentally abusive, disagrees often with simple things that I know are true and it's become mentally exhausting to even have a conversation with him.
I am a Christian, and have been praying about everything - I asked him to pray with me and he said I am ruining our relationship with religion. I thought that we were more equally yoked in the beginning, though I guess it was a farce. I feel that God and my spirit are telling me to go. I just need the strength.
Thank you, it's been very hard the past few days, crying a lot and almost losing hope of my life.