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KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
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I NEED HELP. MY HUSBAND IS AN ALCHOLIC. HES 61 YEARS OLD.

Resolved Question:

I NEED HELP. MY HUSBAND IS AN ALCHOLIC. HE'S 61 YEARS OLD. WE HAVE BEEN MARRIED OVER THIRTY YEARS AND RAISED THREE CHILDREN. PROBLEM IS I'M JUST TIRED OF HIS DRINKING AND WHEN WE GO OUT TO DINNER I ALWAYS HAVE TO DRIVE. AND I'M TIRED OF IT. THEN HE WILL URINATE IN THE P ARKING LOT OF THE RESTAURANT AFTER EATING INSTEAD OF USING THE BATHROOMS IN BROAD DAYLIGHT. I'M EMBARRASED. IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME OR AM I JUST OVER REAACTING?
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 8 years ago.

 

Customer

 

Thank you for coming to JustAnswer and trusting me with your question. There is nothing wrong with you it is your husband that has the issue. Although you have been married 30 years and have children together you may have to give him an ultimatum either get help with his drinking or you may walk out on the marriage this may be the only way to get him help. He may think that because you have stayed with him for so long that you couldn't possibly leave him and that you accepted his alcoholism but you didn't accept it you just let it go because he is your husband and you love him but if you love him then you will do what it takes to get him to get help. Being that he is 61 years old it's even more important that you get him the help because his body can not take the abuse he is doing to it as much as it could when he was younger, his drinking could cause some serious health issues that neither of your could know of if it hasn't already.

 

Ask him to go to counseling with you even though you do not have the problem if you go with him and you can tell the counselor about his drinking problem and the counselor can help him to see that he is destroying his life and your marriage with his drinking. Sometimes people have to hit rock bottom before they even consider getting help. Although your husband depends on you to drive when he drinks that isn't necessarily a bad thing because he doesn't drink and then drive and put other people in danger. Urinating in parking lots in daytime instead of using the restrooms is another sign that things have gotten out of control with your husband, if the police ever find him doing that he could get a nice fine and then arrested for public drunkenness, although that may be what he needs the embarrassment of being arrested and spend a few hours in jail that may not solve the problem. It may take you threatening to leave for him to truly see what he is doing to your marriage and to himself. Tell him if he doesn't get help for his drinking then you will no longer sit around and watch him destroy his life and your marriage and you will walk out of the marriage.

 

You have to do something drastic because you are at your wits end, if you do not want to leave him and don't want to threaten to leave him try doing an Intervention where you and your children and an AA counselor get together and tell the husband that you think he has a problem and needs help, write down what you want to say to him and you and each of your children read your letters to him, this could make him open his eyes if his children are involved and he will want to change for them and if you have grandchildren mention them also but don't involve them in this process. If you do the intervention make sure you do it when you know he is sober so that the things you say will sink in if he has been drinking he will only shrug it off because when you drink you usually don't care about anything and this is why some people drink to ease some type of pain and you may also have to find out what that pain is hence the counseling.

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