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KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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why does my partner of 58 never follow anything through and breaks promises

Customer Question

his needs are always put bfore mine and i have put everything from my end in place as agreed and once again he pulls out. Once I make a decision I keep to it but he never can. He thinks im 'on wheels' work wise and over house work, and I need a life too. He has no friends or hobbies but is good company when away from work. At work he comes home grey and bad tempered he was given the chance of research work part time, but priced hinself out of it. I have many things i need to do before im old. WE went to see about some land for an allotment,I wanted to do organic bed and breakfat he siad yes its a great idea but now he has pulled out of that, two years ago he was all for buying an art store froma friend of mine ( this is my forte) but he pulled out of that. He wont tell mewhat he wants to do and now we argue all the time for the last month as I can see this falling apart too. Im at my wits end and its effecting my health . Im a half full glass and he is a half empty one and doom and gl
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 6 years ago.

HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on Just Answer. By the way, it would help me to know:

 

-How long have you been together?

 

-Have you talked to him about this issues? If so, what was his reply?

 

-Have you ever thought about therapy for the two of you like a couples therapy?

Thank you again for trusting me with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that I can finish answering your question.

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
we have been together 8 years and I can talk for england he is secretive yet holds an important job. He hates doing anything he is not paid for and says no one has done anything for him in his life so why should he do anything for them. He has been capable of dreadful lies in his life, where I was brough up to tell thet truth. He says Im too open. He wont talk to anyone and is usually only happy when I am withhim alone, so retirement could of been good and when we are at our hliday cottage he is great. So why can he nver follow it through.

He is a work aholic but but I have worked hard too to make our retirement possible. He says sometimes he is bordering on being a physcopath after a quiz he did at university years ago. He has just started speaking to his father and sisters again after 30 years something that I couldnt believe. He hates family or friends around but is great whenhe is not at work so nothing makes sense. But I need to think of my needs now. Am I wrong
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 6 years ago.

 

Customer

 

It sounds like the two of you have come to different paths you want to take, you want to semi retire and he wants to work all of the time, you want to travel and take vacation but he doesn't want to do anything but work and make money. There is more to life than making money and working all of the time and it's not healthy to only work and not have some fun and relax. He is probably bordering psychopath because he is always uptight and stressed he needs to relax and enjoy life. It sounds like he has always had to do for himself because no one else would in his life and he has gotten use to being that way. When people start getting older they get used to doing things a certain way and tend to get set in their ways but your mate is still young enough to make a change but he has to want to make that change.

 

I don't think the two of you need couples therapy he needs individual counseling before he makes himself have a heart attack or ulcers from the stress. He need to learn how to try and find a happy medium in his life so that he can relax and have fun and enjoy life and realize it's not just about working it's about living life to the fullest so that he doesn't look back with regrets not to mention the fact that you are fed up with his behavior and false promises. He doesn't want to look around and find out that you are gone because you just couldn't live like this anymore that is why it's important for him to do some counseling. You need to tell him either he does this for himself or your relationship will be in jeopardy. Tell him you're fed up with his false promises and being a workaholic and that you want to enjoy life and travel and if he doesn't want to do that then your relationship is in big trouble.

 

He really needs a reality check and why wait until a heart attack or health problems is that reality check. You're right you need to do what makes you happy now and if he doesn't want to do it then do it for yourself. He has issues that go as far back as when he was younger with his family and he has learned to shut people out so not to feel more than he wants to, it seems he likes being alone which isn't healthy it just teaches him how to lose touch with reality even more but what he doesn't realize is through being like this he is holding you back also and keeping you from enjoying your life and freedom.

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KimberlyF
KimberlyF
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Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com