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KimberlyF , Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with
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Dear Just Answer, I have been married for 14 years. I have

Resolved Question:

Dear Just Answer, I have been married for 14 years. I have two boys, ages 7 and 13. Recently an issue has arisen between myself and my wife. My wife has a friend who was recently divorced, she has a 13 year old boy and has primary custody. In order to provide continuity in the child's life, she made arrangements for the child to continue to go to the same middle school he attended last year. However, she moved to a new neighborhood and there is no bus service for her son. Unbeknownst to me, my wife offered to have her son come home with my son on his school bus. The boy comes to my house with my 13 year old as well as my 7 year old. My wife and I both work. I have been told that the mother comes to pick up her son right away, however, I'm still not very comfortable with this situation. This is causing tension between my wife and I. I understand her desire to help a friend, nevertheless, I am not happy with this arrangement. Advice please - Ken B.
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 7 years ago.

HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on Just Answer. By the way, it would help me to know:


-Are they there at the house alone without an adult there?


-Do you know for sure that you can trust the boy?


-What bothers you the most about this arrangement?

-Could you explain your situation a little more?

Thank you again for trusting me with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that I can finish answering your question.

Customer: replied 7 years ago.

Dear XXXXX Ann,


There is no adult at the house when the boys come home. My wife works 5 minutes away. As far as trusting the boy, I don't think any teenagers left alone in a house can be completely trusted. It's one thing for my 13 year old to watch his 7 year old brother. They come home, set the alarm to the house and do their homework. I feel a third child changes the dynamic. Recently, my wife's friend had to go away on a business trip to New York. She arranged for her son to come home with my boys. They were left alone for about two hours until I arrived home from work. The boy's father lives in town, so I'm not sure why arrangements were not made with him. My concern is that this will become a regular event. I'm a law-enforcement officer, so maybe I'm being overly cautious. Please advise if you desire more info. - Ken B.

Expert:  KimberlyF replied 7 years ago.




You're right about teenagers though they are of age to stay home alone you still have to be very careful who you let them associate with while there are no adults around it only takes one bad apple to spoil the bunch and it's totally right for you to be worry especially as a law enforcement officer you have seen what one teen influence can do to another teen. I suggest to you to talk to your wife and ask her to tell the friend to make arrangements with the father to watch the boy and that you are responsible for what he does in your home and you do not know the young boy very well at least well enough to know that he will respect that you want your boys to turn on the alarm and let no one in and get their homework done. This boy may not have the upbringing your boys had and you don't want all of your hard work to go down the drain.


Your wife's friend is just going to have to make the father be more responsible for his son and not shove his duties on you and your wife granted like you said your wife is helping someone out but at whose expense, what if he teaches your boys bad habits like for example, not listening to their parents, not doing their homework as soon as they get home, not locking the doors and calling people to come over, it is really a trust issues as far as are they doing what you expect them to do while the friends boy is there or do they play around and then make sure they get it done before you come home.


When you are use to your household being ran a certain way you don't really like change and it makes you feel uneasy already knowing in this world and the way some people are and then having to leave them home alone you don't want to have to worry about someone else's child also. Just tell your wife you just don't feel comfortable with him being there while you are not home and the friend will have to find other arrangements. Hopefully your wife will respect your wishes and have her make arrangements with the boy's father.

KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience: Relationship expert for almost three years with
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