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KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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Im currently dating a man who I met throught the internet.

Customer Question

I'm currently dating a man who I met throught the internet. He is very kind, very intelligent and has had previous relationships but has no children of his own. We are both in our early forties and started dating 8 months ago. I have a three and a half year old girl and the two have met and we spend time together, doing normal 'family' type things - walks on the beach, meals etc. I seem to have a problem with how tactile he is with my daughter. Nothing sinister I guess but just very playful and with plenty of tickles. Early in the relationship I was concerned and tackled him, but he reassured me at that time. However I again am having these doubts. That said, my friends might say I am prone to paranoia. I am not sure what to do. In writing this it seems clear that I should pull out but I'm struggling with 'how'.I want to be wrong and I don't want to make false accusations but trust seems elusive.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.

HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on Just Answer. By the way, it would help me to know:

 

-Are you afraid it may lead to him harming your daughter sexually?

 

-Did you experience something traumatic as a child?

 

-Do you ever leave her alone with him?

 

-What scares you so much about him being playful?

 

-What was your childhood like?

Thank you again for trusting me with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that I can finish answering your question.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.

Hello Kimberley Ann. Thank you for offering to answer the question.

I don't think he would do anything now. I don't leave them alone. I seem to think that the only reason he wants to be with me is to get closer to her (sounds like jealousy?). Not sure about anything tramatic in my childhood, it all seems so relative. My mother wasn't very well, she and my father had a fairly tense relationship, we moved around a lot. I was with babysitters a fair bit up to the age of 5. Really can't think of a particularly bad event. I've always considered my childhood to be a fairly happy one.

Hope this helps.

m

Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.

 

Customer

 

I don't think it's jealousy on you part I think that you are afraid that you if you get serious with him that he will only be with you for the fact that you have a child and he has none and there for will show more attention to his relationship with your daughter than with you. That could be a possibility seeing that he shows her so much attention now but you have to sit him down and explain to him your concerns he won't know he is doing anything wrong if you don't tell him, he may not be able to notice his actions because he could just be happy to share his life with you and your daughter and can finally be a father figure. This could be your memory going back to you childhood and not getting enough attention from your parents and your father, it could be a touch of jealousy because he is giving your daughter the attention you craved from you father.

 

Though your childhood was fairly happy for the most part you were lacking the attention you needed from your father because of being with babysitters a lot. I think if your boyfriend doesn't mean your daughter any harm I wouldn't worry too much about it this is all new to him and he may just like being a father figure to your daughter and nothing more than that. I think he can tell the difference between your daughter and yourself, he has a loving relationship with the both of you and may be trying to show that you he can be a good father figure for her.

 

What you are doing is being a good and protective parent and there is nothing wrong with that but he hasn't shown any signs of harming your daughter why not trust him unless it is you that doesn't want the relationship but are afraid to end it because he has become so attached to your daughter, we all take chances when choosing a mate that will be around your child(ren) and there is a trial period and you as a her mother no the limitations at which you will allow someone to get close to her. If you do not feel comfortable with him being around your daughter then go with your gut feeling and if you don't see the relationship going any further than you should break it off now before he gets too attached to your daughter.

KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience: Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
KimberlyF and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Thank you. I never expected a reply so quickly and with considerable depth.

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