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KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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My boyfriend and I have been together for over 2 years. After

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My boyfriend and I have been together for over 2 years. After 2 years of being together, I've moved in another country to work. In the first few months it was great but after the third month, things went downhill. We had a small fight which led to him questioning our entire relationship this led next to distancing himself from me. We'll talk online (instant messenger) fine but he won't call or text and he definitely doenst want to talk about the relationship. He said he'd wait for us to see each other to talk so no mixed signals are sent because of the distance. What's going on?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.

HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on Just Answer. By the way, it would help me to know:

 

-What are your ages?

 

-How long ago did you leave?

 

-Do you want the relationship to work?

 

Why did you decide to take a job in another country? Was it more pay, better job or both?


-Could you explain your situation a little more?

Thank you again for trusting me with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that I can finish answering your question.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I'm 24 he's 25. Living in another country was something I always wanted to do since I was young. It pays well too but the experience was the main reason. The plan is to stay only for 1 year then I come back to my home country. I left around 7 months ago... first 5 months were good. This whole thing began on the 6th month... So yeah the cold treatment has been going on for over a month now. We talk via instant messenger about everything BUT the relationship.

I'm hoping of course to fix things with him. We already made plans for our future and before I left everything was perfect. No, there's no third party on both sides.
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.

 

Customer

 

To be honest I think he may be starting to resent you for being gone for so long and wants to have his girlfriend back and feels like you may have set him aside to chase your dreams that you had since childhood but he has to understand that relationships are about give and take and allowing your mate to live their dream no matter where those dreams take them and he has to be supportive of that and allow you this so that you do not live your lives with regrets about holding each other back and I think it may be time for you to say those words to him and ask him to be patient that it is a little more time and you will be his for the rest of your lives. He just misses you and the time that you spent together in person and now that he has to settle for instant messages and text messages it's hard for him just explain to him that you understand his feelings and that he also knew your feelings about working and living in another country. Maybe you could save up and he could save up and he could possibly fly to where you are and you both can rekindle your relationship and maybe this is what he needs to carry him these last few months apart.

 

Show him that he is still important to you and he is all you want in your life relationship wise because he could also be feeling a little insecure about being apart and other men though he may trust you he may not trust other men around you, reassure him that he is the only guy for you. Relationship are hard but long distance relationship you have to working doubly hard at because of insecurities and loneliness on both parts just try not to let you following your dream be the end of your relationship show him that you can handle both and that this (living in another country) isn't going to last forever but your relationship will.

 

Try to fly him where you are if only for a weekend so that he can see you are the same person he fell in love with and that you are just following your dream so that you don't have to live with regret and possibly resent him for not allowing you this opportunity.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
It would be easy if he just said it's the distance but he said it's not. I have reassured him so many times already and did plan on flying home for a weekend. But he said he would still feel as confused as how he is now even if I were back home, even if it's for good. He now feels he is not sure if he is ready for a serious relationship. If I go home too early, I'm scared I might just pressure him more. I really don't understand what is going on with him and we don't talk about it. I don't feel as if I'm in a relationship anymore since my calls are being ignored. He only entertains instant messages.
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.

 

Customer

 

He may be rethinking the relationship because he had time to himself to think about things and maybe he likes being able to hang with his friend and not have to answer to anyone. I just don't understand why he wouldn't answer your calls unless he is with friend and doesn't want to sound like he is on a leash. You may need to give him this time to decide what it is he wants but I really think it's the distance and that he feels like you didn't make him one of your priorities if it isn't another female then it has to be the fact that he has enjoyed his freedom since you've been gone. You can't make someone want to be with you they have to want it also or else they will be with you for the wrong reasons. Give him this time just like he gave you time to pursue your dreams; you want him to be with you because he wants to and not because you asked him to stay in the relationship don't you?

 

You have to allow him to find his way back to you and the only way he will do that is through time, it really sounds like he is starting to resent that you left him behind and now doesn't know if this relationship is what he wants. Allow him to figure this out on his own and tell him you are willing to do that so that he knows exactly what he wants he may appreciate the fact that you are willing to do that and may help him realize why he fell in love with you in the first place be supportive like he tried to be with your endeavor.

KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience: Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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