How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Ms Chase Your Own Question

Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
1042561
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Ms Chase is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

My husband talks to many women in chat rooms online. He talks

Resolved Question:

My husband talks to many women in chat rooms online. He talks dirty to them as they respond dirty to him and lately I found he sent 1 girl a picture of himself fully clothed and recieved 3 pictures from her. Two of which were very seductive. Although she lives in Canada and we live in Texas I still feel this is very wrong! He feels he has done no wrong because there is no physical contact. Am I making something out of nothing?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.
Hello Curious,

How long have you been together/married?

Did you have a problem with him talking dirty, or just with the pictures?

Has he always done this online?

If not how di you find out?

What are your ages?

How would he feel if you were doing it?

Has he ever cheated?


Chase
Customer: replied 6 years ago.

We have been married for six years, together for eight years. I knew he had always looked at porn online, but within the last year I have noticed sites like "ashley madison" and "sugardaddyforme" on the history on our computer. I noticed he had yahoo messenger on his laptop which he does not use for email, his email is hotmail. So I made up an account for myself serving as someone else, found him in chat and proceeded to see what it was he "chatted" about. Which he always told me it was innocent coversation when he was bored at work. Without him knowing it was me we talked very dirty back and forth and even made a "meeting place" for if we ever met up, because my character i made was only 200miles away. I then asked if he were married he replied yes to me and i guess i asked to many wife questions. As he got home he said he knew it was me all along, but I don't believe that he did. He has never cheated on me that I know of. He is a very passionate man and has loved me well, but I get annoyed with the chatting and the porn sites. I don't like either the dirty talk to another woman or the exchanging of pictures. I'm not sure how often the chatting occurs, but I know the porn is atleast three to five times a week. We have a good sex life, three times a week or more, but we have a three year old so he doesn't understand the "im tired" sometimes as I work as a full time cosmetologist also. We hardly fight, but when we do it's because of this issue. We are both 26 high school sweethearts. I cheated way before we were married back in high school with a bf i dated for 3 years. So I don't know if I'm parannoyed he too will someday "pay me back"....so yes I check up from time to time on him, but I always find these things. And ofcourse he throws in my face that I am checking on him. Hope this helps, please help!!

Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.
Thank you for the additional info. What scares me is that he went along with creating a meeting place. This tells me that given the opportunity he might cheat. There shouldn't be an argument about it, if it's something that you feel is detrimental to your marriage then he should, as you husband, take your fears seriously. Looking at porn and chatting with real women are two totally different ballgames, and he knows this. He's playing with fire, and at some point he's going to either back off, or take it to the next level. You have to talk about it, but not in a argumentative type of way, you have to explain to him that you were somewhat ok with the porn, but talking to real women, is cheating....even the implication o setting up any type of meeting is cheating. If you were ok with him talking dirty to other women that would be one thing, but you're not and he needs to respect that. I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more.

Chase
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
He said he knew it was me and that was the only reason he made the meeting place. But I'm not totally convinced he did. I feel cheated. I have talked to him about it and he feels it's not because of the no physical contact. He tells me he would not be mad if the shoes were on the other feet if it were me doing this, but I know better. and because of my past he brings up I cannot argue with my wrong doings. I cannot get through to how I feel about this as a woman. He says doing this is better than going out and physically doing it, but it almost feels just as bad to me. He flat out lied this last time about not seeing the 2 dirty pictures this woman emailed just the one of her fully clothed he said he'd seen, but honestly how does that happen. I messenged her on my msn messenger acting as him and we talked and I asked her about the conversation we had before and not to my suprise there was some dirty talk. He told me they never talked dirty, so how do I go about telling him I talked to this woman myself? As a woman how would you feel if this were your husband?
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.
You said you cheated on him before you got married, and yet he still decided to move forward with marrying you. I would take that to mean he has forgiven you and I would have no part of bringing it up. Either he's accepted or he's not, which one is it? If he hasn't accepted it, then you'll need to seriously consider counseling.....just the fact that he's bringing it up makes me feel like you need to be considering it anyway. The lying is a terrible sign, it means that he's comfortable lying to you and he may lie about other things as well. As his wife, you have every right to know what he's doing, and if he was on the up, he would give you his passwords, and not mind any checking up, especially since he's lied more than twice.

My personal feelings would be, he is either committed to this marriage or he's not. If something makes you uncomfortable, then he should take it seriously and give serious thought about stopping. What's more important, your wife or some dirty talk on the computer. You already talked to him dirty once, you can do it again if he needs it. You could take it to another level and start talking dirty to guys, I know you probably wouldn't want to, but just out of wondering how he would feel about it, but the downside is it might only make him do it more. The botXXXXX XXXXXne is he needs to be more concerned with your feelings than he is.

chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience: Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
Ms Chase and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
 
 
 
Chat Now With A Counselor
Ms Chase
Ms Chase
853 Satisfied Customers
Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues