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JR, M.A.
JR, M.A., Mental Health Professional
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 184
Experience:  I have a master's degree in clinical psychology and am currently finishing my doctoral degree.
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JR, M.A.

Resolved Question:

Hello There,

I spoke to Kenny and he told me that I worry too much and that he take me for me, that i'm a kind hearted person. He also realize that I am in the process of figuring myself out, so i must replay and rethink about everything that I do, say, feel, think.

So does that mean that he is thinking that I'm rebounding and doesn't want to come close?

Thanks,

Kim
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  JR, M.A. replied 6 years ago.

Hi Kim,

 

What do you mean by "in the process of figuring yourself out"?

 

Why "must" you replay and rethink everything?

 

Did you ask him if he was interested in dating you?

 

 

Customer: replied 6 years ago.

I would assume that because I had just had a break up of my eight year long relationship and that is why he's saying that I'm in the process of figuring myself out. No I did not ask him if he's interested in dating me. Even as friendship I get mixed emotions from him and so there for I am just in an emotional turmoil. I asked by texting if he would prefer no interaction with me until I get myself figured out... and I get the usual ignor her messages behavior from him.

 

Maybe I should just cut it off? he wants to see me on his term whether it's for tennis or anything else...and at his convenient.. not mind. I think friendship or relationship there got to be a medium don't you think?

 

He is totally ignoring my feelings and it is not a good feeling. Your thoughts or advice for me please?

 

thanks so much

 

Kim

Expert:  JR, M.A. replied 6 years ago.

Hi Kim,

 

Thanks for honestly answering those questions for me. I appreciate the fact that you are trying to take an objective look at this relationship. That is the first step to "figuring yourself out" or whatever that means. =) Part of why you are in emotional turmoil is because you have not recovered from that 8 year relationship. It can take years to recover from such a serious, long-term relationship. You are trying to avoid the pain of it by seeking out the attention of Kenny. He probably enjoys flirting with you and gets a kick out of it. However, he probably does not want to get involved with you, as he sees you as "trying to figure yourself out." He already has a cynical attitude about marriage and probably does not want to get involved with a woman who just recently got out of a relationship. Think about it for a minute Kim...would you want to date you? Do you think you are the most stable person right now? Upon reflection, I'm guessing you would have to say that you are not in the best emotional condition to take on the burden of a serious commitment. Kenny may like you enough but does not seem like the kind of man that wants to get involved in a serious relationship. If you chase after him...you may find yourself hurt again in another few years. You want a man who will cherish you and treat you like his queen...not like his little honey on the side. You deserve better than this type of treatment. Kenny does not realize how much emotional turmoil you are in right now and your continued interaction with him is upsetting you further. Kim, getting together with Kenny will not fill that empty feeling you have inside right now. I know it hurts but you probably need to just really feel it for a while. Running away from pain does not make it go away. You sound like a woman who is running from something. Do yourself a favor and just be you for awhile. Do not try to get involved with any men...even if they make you feel all warm inside. Just be you! Go out with some girl friends and have a good time being you. Do not worry about men! You need to take at least 6 months of "you time." It will be like a fresh start for you. When you are ready to get back into the dating world...you will know it. Plus, you won't just be trying to fill an empty space inside of you. Take your time and find a man who treats you right. Think back to when you were a little girl...what was your dream man like? How did he treat you in your dreams? That is what you should keep looking for...honestly...this Kenny guy does not sound like the one to me. You do not want a man who ignores your feelings before you even start dating....REALLY BAD SIGN. I'm talking red flags here Kim. Seriously take some time for yourself and relax. Do not worry about Kenny. You need to recover from this break up all on your own. You do not need a man to catch you and that is what you are trying to do right now.

 

If you found this answer helpful, please click ACCEPT so that I get paid for my time. Bonuses are greatly appreciated if you found my help worthy. Please request me in the future by typing "question for JR" in the subject line. Best Wishes!

JR, M.A., Mental Health Professional
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 184
Experience: I have a master's degree in clinical psychology and am currently finishing my doctoral degree.
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