the problem i have with asking her, as you said: "if she really wants to give your marriage another shot."
is that she has stated that, "if i told you i was giving you a chance, how different would you act from the past 20 years?"
i have made many mistakes and tried to cover them up with short term promises. it's almost pathological. i wouldn't trust me. this, i believe, is her "put up or shut up" to me. i've learned my lesson, i've seen the consequemces of my actions. i am clean and sober for life. in fact this week i'm going to a meeting that they're gonna give me the opportunity to talk about "not going back." i can't. no matter how skilled i get at covering up my drinking troubles, one drink, i lose it all, family included. hey, maybe i've already lost it, but this "chance" that i'm being given by my wife is it, the last shot i'll ever have. if i want to keep them i can never go back. relapse is not an option. also, i've given my life to the lord, and he's made it clear that he does not approve of the drinking life for me.
thanks for all your input. you'll get paid. my card, i think, was turned down, but its one of those rechargeable debit cards. i'll fix it sunday.