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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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HI, I have a question about my sexual relationship with my

Resolved Question:

HI, I have a question about my sexual relationship with my girlfriend. Is this a website where I can get the answer to my question? My real question is that my girlfriend and I have been together for 9 months now. Sometimes when having sex I have trouble "getting off" I never have trouble getting it up for the occasion but usually we might have sex once or twice and I'm fine, then usually anything after that I can't seem to have an orgasm while having sex. It feels good just nothing happens. Could someone please help me with this. thanks
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.
Hello Turner,

Are you saying that you have an orgasm the first one or two times?

Customer: replied 8 years ago.
It's rare that I won't have an orgasm, not to say it hasn't happened before. I do wear a condom and I do believe that cuts out alot of feeling during sex. It's weird, for example. Yesterday, my girlfriend and I had sex twice, once in the afternoon then again later at night. Then this morning we had sex but I didn't have an orgasm. After a few minutes it just felt like I was humping, doing all the work but nothing was happening. I kind of got tired and then that was it. I don't know if it is psychological, physical, is it caused by stress, I don't know why this happens??? Please let me know if theres anything else you would need to know about this to help answer my question.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.

It could be one or two different things, but as is usually the case, it could be a mixture of things, let me explain.

1. The first sign that you are having any problems ejaculating or getting an erection, you'll want to check with your doctor to make sure there isn't a physical reason for whats going on. You always want to rule out anything physical.

2. If you're experiencing stress, it can wreak havoc on your sex life. Most men who suffer from ED (erectile dysfunction) do so because of emotional or psychological issues.

If you're worried about money, paying bills, wondering if you'll get that job, raise or wondering if you are truly in love with your girlfriend, if things are troubling between the two of you. Almost any of these reason could cause a problem, and if you have more than one reason, theres a higher risk of it causing a problem.

If you find out that it's not physical, then it may be time to address your feelings about things. If its stress, then you will have to decide on some ways to de-stress, either going to therapy to talk to someone who can provide you with coping skills, or taking yoga, or meditation, working less, talking with your girlfriend, etc.

Perhaps the issue is you don't think she is involved enough during sex, or its not the type of sex that you are used to with other girls. It's hard for me to say what the reason is, I can only make guesses, since I don't know you.

What I would suggest right now is to talk to your girlfriend about it, let her know that you want to try things a little different. Before having sex again, engage in extensive foreplay. By this I mean, kiss and hold each other for a half hour to an hour without doing anything. Even if you feel like you want to have sex, don't. Wait a few hours and do the foreplay thing again, and if you feel like having sex this time, then do so, and see how it goes. Each time you have sex, try to add in at least 15-20 min or foreplay (kissing, touching, rubbing, etc, but no penetration) before having sex and see if that helps.

* do keep in mind that alcohol, medication or drugs can also be a cause

I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more.


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