I am a psychologist and would be happy to help you with your question. First, answer these questions so that I can better assist you.
What are your ages? (including his new honey)
How long have they been "dating"?
Do you have any plans to get back with your ex?
Are you asking whether his behavior is unhealthy or his relationship with this woman?
I am going to be completely honest about this and say that the whole situation is unhealthy, including his behavior, your behavior, and his relationship with this girl on the side. It sounds like you two got together when you were really young and he built his entire sense of self around his relationship with you. Men will sometimes base their sense of self worth on their relationship with a woman. That is why he felt so "crushed" when you broke it off. He felt like he lost his very self...he lost his identity in you. He replaced you with this other troubled girl. He knows that she is not you and because of that, he will not commit to her. He probably wants to be with you but is afraid of getting hurt again. Even his behavior, as you said, has reverted back to adolescence...Think about it....around the time when he first met you! He is very confused and hurt. He is trying to use this other woman to fill the void that you left. This will not be successful for him, as he has selected a girl with a troubled past who will not be reliable either. So to answer your question, YES...his behavior is very unhealthy and he could benefit from seeing a psychologist. His relationship with this woman is not what he needs right now in his life. To answer what I alluded to in the beginning of this answer, I also believe that your behavior with him is unhealthy. If you are not planning on getting back together with him, you should not be continuing this relationship. He is tortured by your presence but not willing to let go because he loves you too much. He is afraid of losing you...whether you can see that or not. You said you are looking for a "spark" or "chemistry." Unfortunately, real, lasting relationships are not built on a "spark" The spark will always fade! Real relationships are built on commitment! Love is actually a choice...not a feeling. You have to choose to love...and that means that you won't always feel "chemistry" or even happy for that matter. It takes great maturity to love...it is selfless. You are not ready to love him. Nor do I believe he is ready to love you. You are looking for some fleeting feeling...I'm sorry but this is not a foundation for true love. You are driving this guy crazy and he does not know how to communicate this to you. Either make a choice to give the relationship a real go or tell him that it is completely over. You are not being fair to this man or this other woman. You were right about not lying to the girlfriend...but you need to stop lying to yourself about the nature of your relationship with this man. You are setting yourself up for a lot of hurt...and you are already hurting him! I apologize if you are not ready to hear this, but I have no doubt about what I have told you above. I know I was blunt but I want you to really get the message. You are asking about how unhealthy he is behaving, when your behavior is quite questionable. Please do not take offense to this but see it as an opportunity to really question what you are doing. We don't have enough opportunities in life to really question our own behavior. Best wishes to you! Please make the right decision for you and this man. This type of relationship is leading to disaster...most certainly.
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