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JR, M.A.
JR, M.A., Mental Health Professional
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 184
Experience:  I have a master's degree in clinical psychology and am currently finishing my doctoral degree.
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I am living with an elementary school principal. He is a

Resolved Question:

I am living with an elementary school principal. He is a great guy, but all of his friends for the most part are female teachers. We had an affair, and then he divorced his wife, and moved in with me. He has had seven affairs in the past, before he divorced his wife, but we have lived together for almost three years. Then he had another affair. What should I do. He wants to marry me.
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  JR, M.A. replied 8 years ago.



I am a psychologist and would be happy to help you with your question. First, it would help me if you answered these questions so that I may better assist you.


What are your ages?


Are there any children involved?


Who did he cheat with on you?


Have you been in similar relationships before?


Tell me a little about your childhood relationship with your mother and father.



Customer: replied 8 years ago.

I am 30 years old, and he is 53. My mom married someone 20 years older than her, also. I was married before to someone who was mean to me. I have no children, but he has five, the oldest is my age. He cheated on me with another teacher. He has had affairs with four other teachers before I came along.


My dad died when I was tiny, then my mom married my stepdad, who is 20 years older than my mom. I have a good relationship, I guess, with both parents, although they are now divorced.

Expert:  JR, M.A. replied 8 years ago.



I am going to give you the most straightforward and honest answer that I can, although you may not want to hear what I am going to say. The reason I asked about your father was because I assumed you did not know how a real man was supposed to treat his woman. Girls who grow up with good fathers tend to expect more from the men in their lives. You, however, are involved with a womanizing, boy of a man, who takes advantage of women young enough to be his daughter. You may not realize this, but part of your attraction to this man probably stems from your desire to have a loving father figure in your life. I'm very sorry that your dad passed away, but this man that you are with will not fill that void inside of you. This man is abusive and untrustworthy. What is it about this unreliable man that draws you to him? Think about it. He was unfaithful to his wife, why would he not be unfaithful with you? The best indicator of future behavior is past behavior. That is, looking at his pattern of behavior, he cannot be trusted in the future. He will eventually leave you for some other poor girl who is looking for her daddy too. I am sorry if this hurts a little, but I want you to really recognize what you are doing with your romantic life before you find yourself in over your head. I would bet my entire career on the fact that this man WILL cheat on you again. I mean...why not? He always gets away with it and there is always some young woman to look up to and admire him. He is likely struggling with issues of his own, and would not be a good choice for you. You need to find a man closer to your age, who is stable and strong. Stop getting involved with these know what they act like. When you find yourself attracted to them...RUN....RUN in the other direction. They will not fill the void inside of you. They will just make the void that much bigger. Think about your you really want to imitate what she did with her life??? You are young yet, please take the chance to start over. Drop this guy on his butt...leave him the same way he left his wife before you find yourself being the one who is left. I do not think I can be any more clear or blunt. If you were my patient, I would not take this approach with you, but because this is all the time I have, I want you to realize something about yourself. Men who cheat on their wife to be with you DO NOT know how to love well. They are, frankly, scum. I'm sorry for your situation but there is hope! You CAN get out of this. He will just find another unsuspecting girl to take your place. Please...think about the type of man you dreamed of marrying as a little girl....and dont let go of that. It is never too late to find a good quality man. Even if you are not initially attracted to a good quality man...give it some time. I hope this has been helpful.


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