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JR, M.A.
JR, M.A., Mental Health Professional
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 184
Experience:  I have a master's degree in clinical psychology and am currently finishing my doctoral degree.
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Hi Ralph,

 

How can I help you?

Customer: replied 8 years ago.
JR,

When you said that you wouldn't treat your boss with overt anger, I remembered that during the week or so before I left for vacation, I was irritable to customers and my boss and she and I agreed that my vacation was timely.

The other part of work I'd like to mention is that when I was out of sixth grade class for a day or two, my teacher announced to the class that it had been easier to run the class while I was away. I think that my behaviour at work takes away from a smooth operation, and I fear that they will realize this while I'm away this week.

I work 1-1/2 jobs so my being run down and irritable is understandable, but not acceptable.

I have been on the one job for 20 years, so my treating my boss that way is like the way I've come to treat my wife-without filtering out the negative expressions.

Hi Ralph,

 

I'm glad that you recognized the connection between your behavior with your boss and your behavior with your wife. And yes, it is understandable that you would feel irritable and tired given all of the responsibilities you are dealing with at this point in your life. Nevertheless, as you said...it is not acceptable to bring home the frustrations from work. When you leave work, you need to LEAVE WORK. You need to make the CHOICE to leave work behind. Do not transfer your anger at customers and your boss to your wife. You come home and displace anger on your family. Your home should be a place of rest and your behavior is making it a place of unrest. So what do you do?......STOP IT! Yes...it is that simple...just stop it! We make choices in life...we choose to love, we choose to fight...we choose to yell...we choose to get angry...and the list could go on forever. No matter how terrible your job is, you can CHOOSE to leave the stress at work and come home to your family with excitement. DONT just drag into the house and plop down on the couch. Come in happy to be home and give your wife and daughter a kiss. Tell them how much you missed them. Yes, Ralph...CHOOSE to be happy about coming home. You are no longer that little boy in the sixth grade Ralph! You are a grown man with a family...acting like the little boy inside. Search your feelings...you know this to be true. Be a pleasure...not a pain. If you are unhappy at work, it is probably because you act like a miserable person at work. If you are bored in your marriage...it is probably because you are acting boring! We create our environment by the choices we make...it is that simple. People make it too complex...make up too many excuses. If you are angry at work...find something good about your work, like the fact that you get paid and can provide for your family. Be proud of your ability to provide, even if it is not as much as you might like. Ralph...take a deep breath and say: "I WILL CHOOSE TO LIVE DIFFERENTLY...I AM A MAN...NOT A LITTLE BOY...I WILL BE A STRONG, LOVING MAN FOR MY FAMILY" Now Ralph, Go and act like a loving man! Look at your beautiful little girl and wife and CHOOSE to be happy. One quick question for you...would you say that you had a bad childhood? Did you experience loss or abuse of any kind? Get back to me about that.

 

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