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KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
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My partner of 6 years broke up 2 months ago. He told me that

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My partner of 6 years broke up 2 months ago. He told me that he didn't think I was the one,that we weren't suited. We have a 5 year old & are both 26. I suspected he cheated on me last year and he denied it but it caused great strain on our relationship.A week after he broke up with me he said we should try again but he had to be honest and tell me he had cheated on me that time&again this year.Both one nighters but with the same girl who he went to the day after he broke up with me& started dating.In the month after we split we slept together twice. I came onto him a couple of times since but he refused. He treated me badly after we split, leaving our home to go and be with her, talking to me about her.Last night we fought as he decided to sell our home without discussing it with me. I emailed his new woman and told her all that had gone on since he got with us since they got together. She is now deciding whether to dump him.He is furious with me.I think he hates me now.What can I do?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 6 years ago.
Customer

 

One thing you are going to have to decide is if he is the person for you, he cheats on you not once but twice with the same woman and then breaks up with you to be with her, he didn't care that he was hurting you (the mother of his child) in the process, if you take him back without making him earn your trust back things will not change because you are making it too easy for him to come back instead of making him prove he deserves a second chance and since he hasn't officially broken up with this woman he hasn't proved to you that he deserves to be back in your life because he is still going between the two of you. Why is he mad at you for something he should have told his girl about? You did what you thought you had to do because you were tired of him going between the two of you.

 

One thing you could do is apologize to him and tell him that you shouldn't have interfered in his relationship and that you should have allowed him to make that decision of when and how to tell her. That is pretty much the only thing you can do right now and then give him a cooling off period if he is that furious with you it is going to take some time for him to get over what you did, he probably feels that you stabbed him in the back. Explain to him that you were angry because he kept going between the two of you and you didn't know what else to do and that you felt like he had backed you into a corner.

 

You are really going to have to sit down and think and ask yourself;

1. Is he really worth all of this that you have to go through to be with him?

2. Does he deserve to have you in his life after everything he has done to you?

3. Will you be able to trust him again after all of this?

4. Will he continue to sleep with her if you get back together behind your back?

5. Would he be willing to show you and prove to you he deserves a second chance and not start seeing someone during that time?

6. Why did he go to this woman in the first place, what went wrong?

7. What is going to reassure me this won't happen again?

 

Until you have answer to those questions your relationship will be pretty much the same and you will be miserable because every time he leaves the house you are going to wonder where he is and if he is with the other woman. Trust is a huge part of a relationship and without trust you are always going to be in doubt. As far as him being mad because of you telling the woman he was with you during the time they dated that was something that needed to be told. Even though he should have been the one to tell her but I don't know if he would have ever told her, so I wouldn't feel bad about telling the truth and that is all you did was tell the truth.

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I don't think he will ever come back and I know that things would be difficult if we were to get back together. I really just wanted to salvage a friendship for our daughters sake.
I just don't know how to deal with the guilt I feel.
I apologised to him this morning but I would prefer to do it to his face rather than via text as I need to explain why. But he has asked me to leave him be for a few days.

Also, the 2 times we were together after we broke up were in the first 3 weeks so nothing has happened between us for the last 6 weeks or so.
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 6 years ago.
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