How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Ed Johnson Your Own Question

Ed Johnson
Ed Johnson, Consultant
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 10760
Experience:  USC, BS Psych & Soc.; Transactional Analaysis; U.S. A. D&A Counseling, Family Advocacy, Anger Mngmnt
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Ed Johnson is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

my husband & I have been married 21 years this Aug we have

Resolved Question:

my husband & I have been married 21 years this Aug we have gone thru this last yeaar 12 deaths in the family and friends, lost our home foreclosure, lost our car and I was put in the hospital diagnosed with conversion disorder and now am in therapy, I beleive our marriage is so shaken we don't have sex and I think my husband might be deprssed as well, should we separate until the dust settles. I love him very much, we talk but he says he feels guilty and to much on his mind and soen't want to risk me getting in the hospital again HELP!!
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ed Johnson replied 5 years ago.

DearCustomer

 

Do you have children living at home?

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
yes two girls 13 and 14 both i homeschool thru and online charter school
Expert:  Ed Johnson replied 5 years ago.

DearCustomer

 

Thank you for the additional information.

 

In my mind, I see a "family" who needs to get away, take a vacation, and get away from the stress of what has been going on. You are enduring a lot, right now.

 

The therapy is good, but sometimes a break even from that is in order.

 

The problem is, can you afford a get away.

 

I see you are from California.

 

But a mountain retreat would be really great for you, your husband and the kids, wouldn't you say?

 

For example: Something cheap, not too expensive would be say Langhorne Pennsylvania. Santa Barbara would be too expensive.

 

I do not mean camping. Camping is too much work. Langhorne, PA is a family resort, with golf, swimming pools, a country side to walk in and everything is on the cheap. So it is not a budget buster. BUT you do not want cook, or do anything, so this is a great place.

 

http://www.willowvalley.com/

 

And there is a beautiful Longwood Gardens near by, a Dupont estate where you can spend a day, and they have a picnic grounds where you can picnic.

 

http://www.longwoodgardens.org/

 

An alternative is a family retreat house that most catholic communities or other faith communities have. they sometimes have a place where you and your husband can hang out for a few days.

 

Now lets talk about the separation you spoke about. I am also concerned about the children. You said you were married 21 years. I do not recommend that you separate unless you are contemplating a divorce. I did not see that in your question.

 

The reason is, that you are going through a tough time right now and it is stressful. The fact that you came here to ask this question, indicates that you realize there needs to be some decompression. AND, I agree. If one of you getting away for a few weeks is the only way you can mange it without vacation, then perhaps it can take on a form like this:

 

One child goes with each parent and take separate vacations....I recommend not less than 10 days. 14 would be better. If your work will not let you be gone that long, then take what you can.

 

Time away that is framed like a separation, is more sever, like trying it out to see if you should remain married or not. I do not see that in your question. What I see is that you need some time away, not necessarily from each other, but just away. So frame it as a vacation. That means there is no pressure to decide if you should be together or not, you are trying to decompress to deal with the stressors.

 

Another issue is that if your husband is depressed, and you as an observer, probably know that better than he does. It is frequently hard for someone to recognize themselves in depression. The depression could be caused by his feeling guilty as well as the situation you find yourselves in, and that depression in turn is what is most likely affecting the sexuality. It sounds like he has been depressed for a long time. It would not surprise me at all, if the children were also suffering from at least a low level of depression. (it sometimes spills over to the children)

 

so what is your husband doing about the depression. Depression is treatable by talking to a counselor or even a close friend, and if sever enough, medication.

 

Summary:

 

Yes, I agree that you need time apart, but not as a seperation, call it a vacation. AND If you can, make it a family event, but if you cannot do that, then seperate vacations are appropriate.

 

Take the children on the vacation with you, if you can. Or this can be the year everyone took seperate vacations. (or the children can stay at grandma's)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ed Johnson, Consultant
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 10760
Experience: USC, BS Psych & Soc.; Transactional Analaysis; U.S. A. D&A Counseling, Family Advocacy, Anger Mngmnt
Ed Johnson and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency