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JR, M.A.
JR, M.A., Mental Health Professional
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 184
Experience:  I have a master's degree in clinical psychology and am currently finishing my doctoral degree.
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I been married for 3 years and I know my husband for 5 years

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I been married for 3 years and I know my husband for 5 years We have a 2 year old son. So we have to watch everything we say and do. My husband never takes the blame for himself. You do it to. How do you work with that? How do you get your point across with out acused of him and the work gets done? Is he low self of steem or lacking that he is not alone and trying not being alone in the matter. He just does not know me or is their a trust issue. Why would someone be like that? He does not just sit their and listen. He has to defended himself for some reason. But I am not on him at all.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  JR, M.A. replied 6 years ago.

HiCustomer

 

I would be happy to help you with your question. Would you please answer these questions first so that I may better assist you.

 

What are your ages?

 

Has he always had trouble admitting fault?

 

Do you think of him as a prideful person?

 

Do you have any other issues in your marriage?

 

 

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Our ages are 33 years old both of us. Yes he has touble admitting fault Nothing is ever he fault. HE has touble talk back and ford confervation. He keep everything inside. If I don't get it out of him then he would not tell me or forgets until something has to happen then he finally remember. It is very hard to plan ahead. You never know when he takes day off work or not. He only know. He does not talk to me about money when he spend it. To him self. Yes I take him a prideful person very opinion person. It is very hard to get close to this person. He never dated before and he is the older brother. His brother never has a girl friend So his family is always on me about everything. They make acused when someone does something you know they should not be. Example Don't pick up clothes, close the lights and when you say no to them. They are on you yelling at you. Then the acused come in . The person did not mean to do that or don't be so hard on them. that is way they are just ignore it.
Expert:  JR, M.A. replied 6 years ago.

Hi Linda,

 

It sounds like you have a very difficult situation on your hands. People like your husband tend to develop a long-standing problem with intimacy and communication. He has demonstrated a pattern of this type of behavior in the past, even before you married him. I would want to know what it is about him that you find attractive? If his lack of communication upsets you so much, why did you marry him? I do not mean to blame you...I just want you to think about the qualities he has that made you desire to spend the rest of your life with him. What does he do well? It is all too easy to get focused on the negative things, without even acknowledging what you husband does well. If you cannot think of a single thing he does well, I would have to say that there is little hope of restoring your relationship. However, if you are able to identify even a few things he does well, then there is definite hope. Try to focus in on his positive qualities and compliment him for what he does well. Tell him that you respect how hard he works for your family. He may not share his feelings with you because he may not believe that you have any respect for him. I am suggesting that you put on respect towards your husband. Make him feel like a man. Have a great tumble in the sack with him. Don't explain yourself, just treat him differently. The problem with relationship conflict is that both partners are always waiting for the other person to change first. This is your opportunity to be the mature one in the relationship. I'm sure you do not treat your husband the same way you did before you got married. I know things are different now and you have a child, but your man desperately needs you to respect and support him. I suggest that you sit down and write him a letter that explains everything you find respectful and attractive about him as your man. Give this letter to him and just tell him that you thought he should know how you really feel. I guarantee you that he will greatly appreciate this, even if he does not show it at first. In order to get him to open up, you are going to have to make him want to be close to you. Unfortunately, nagging him to open up and talk will never work with a man like him. Start treating him like your king and if he is a good man, he will eventually start treating you like his queen. I know it seems scary to open yourself up by trying this, but it can make all the difference in your marriage. I challenge you to do this for 1 whole month. Treat him well...sleep with him every day....tell him how much you respect him. He will begin to fall in love with you again. As this happens, he may be more willing to open up to you and will likely become less defensive. Honestly, in all of my years of clinical practice...I can find no better way to change this situation. Give it your best shot. Do it for your marriage and for your sweet little child. Give your child a happy home to grow up in. You can start the change all by yourself! I want to suggest a book that I find to be extremely useful for women in a situation similar to yours. Go and buy "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" or "The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage." These books were written by a woman who has a lot of experience with marriage and family therapy. They may challenge your thinking a bit but they might help you to understand your husband better.

 

If you found this helpful, please click ACCEPT so that I get paid for my work. Bonuses are greatly appreciated if you found my answer worthy! =) Please request me in the future by typing my name in the subject line of your questions. I would be happy to follow up with you.

JR, M.A., Mental Health Professional
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 184
Experience: I have a master's degree in clinical psychology and am currently finishing my doctoral degree.
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JR, M.A.
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I have a master's degree in clinical psychology and am currently finishing my doctoral degree.