How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask JR, M.A. Your Own Question

JR, M.A.
JR, M.A., Mental Health Professional
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 184
Experience:  I have a master's degree in clinical psychology and am currently finishing my doctoral degree.
11111309
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
JR, M.A. is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

Im 34, my husband too. I have been on the pill for 15 years

Resolved Question:

I'm 34, my husband too. I have been on the pill for 15 years now. I have never wanted children before because I knew I wasn't ready plus I was in the wrong relationships. Now I'm in a loving relationship and my mind set has chnaged in the last year. My husband on the other hand doesn't want any more kids. He is divorced and has a 8 year old daughter who stays with her mother. Their divorce was quite ugly, with him loosing the battle for sole custody of the child even though the mother had affairs, landed up in a mental institution etc. We see the child every second weekend. He says he doesn't want any more children becuase he is scared of what happened in the past might happen again. I would love to have a child of my own with him. I see how he is with his daughter and my nephew and he would make a good father. How do I approach this situation?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ed Johnson replied 6 years ago.

Dear Liza,

 

It sounds like you have already discussed it with him.

 

When you discussed it with him, what did you say to help alleviate his fears?

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
No, I haven't discussed my new mind set with him because I know how he feels. How do I go about discussing the issue with him.
Expert:  JR, M.A. replied 6 years ago.

Hi Liza,

 

I am a psychologist and would be happy to help you with your question. It sounds as though your husband has serious issues with trust related to his first marriage. It makes sense that he would be apprehensive about having another child. He has experienced great loss and is probably afraid of losing again. Nevertheless, you have a right to change your mind. It is natural for a woman your age to start thinking about having a family, even if it never crossed your mind in the past. You seem to feel secure in your marriage and feel that he would be a good provider and protector of your family. This is probably why you finally feel ready to have a child. However, making a baby takes two people as you know. You probably discussed this with your husband before marriage. Having a child is no small matter and should be carefully considered. Your husband may become angry because he may have decided to marry you because he did not think that you wanted to have children. He may feel betrayed in some way. You need to approach this situation very carefully. I suggest that you sit down and have a serious conversation with your hubby about your feelings. Tell him that you do not want to make any decisions right now but just want him to know what is going on inside of you. Reassure him of your love and commitment to this marriage. Point out how different you are from his ex-wife. Tell him that you do not want to forget about his first daughter...just that you want to experience having a family with him. Tell him how much you respect him and how great of a man you think he is. Make sure to use the word "respect"...men respond better to this than "love." It seems counterintuitive to a woman, but give it a shot. Let him know how much he means to you. If you let him know why you want to have a family with him, he may have a better reaction. Tell him that you just would like him to think about it. After that, let it go for a while. Treat him better than you have ever treated him. Show him how much you love and respect him. Sleep with him frequently and tell him how great he is often. He will feel more secure in your relationship. This is a pathway to starting a family. Nothing is guaranteed but you certainly have a better shot with this approach.

 

If you found this answer helpful, please click ACCEPT so that I get paid for my work. Bonuses are greatly appreciated if you found my answer worthy. If you have future questions, please feel free to request me on my profile. Good luck!

JR, M.A., Mental Health Professional
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 184
Experience: I have a master's degree in clinical psychology and am currently finishing my doctoral degree.
JR, M.A. and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
We were watching a programme on television last night regarding adopting and I just threw the question out there at him, would he be open to adopting if we knew I couldn't have children. He said if we were together 10 years ago, then he would have thought about it but definately not now. He says he is too old. I have asked him before what would he do If I happened to fall pregnant, even though I'm on the pill (because face it it can happen, nothing is 100% safe) - he then said if it happens it happens and we'll take it from there. If he is still not convinced after I speak to him, how do we compromise the situation? If he doesn't want another child, but I do one?
Expert:  JR, M.A. replied 6 years ago.
THIS ANSWER IS LOCKED!
You can view this answer by clicking here to Register or Login and paying $3.
If you've already paid for this answer, simply Login.

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
 
 
 

Related Relationship Questions