It sounds like you have already discussed it with him.
When you discussed it with him, what did you say to help alleviate his fears?
I am a psychologist and would be happy to help you with your question. It sounds as though your husband has serious issues with trust related to his first marriage. It makes sense that he would be apprehensive about having another child. He has experienced great loss and is probably afraid of losing again. Nevertheless, you have a right to change your mind. It is natural for a woman your age to start thinking about having a family, even if it never crossed your mind in the past. You seem to feel secure in your marriage and feel that he would be a good provider and protector of your family. This is probably why you finally feel ready to have a child. However, making a baby takes two people as you know. You probably discussed this with your husband before marriage. Having a child is no small matter and should be carefully considered. Your husband may become angry because he may have decided to marry you because he did not think that you wanted to have children. He may feel betrayed in some way. You need to approach this situation very carefully. I suggest that you sit down and have a serious conversation with your hubby about your feelings. Tell him that you do not want to make any decisions right now but just want him to know what is going on inside of you. Reassure him of your love and commitment to this marriage. Point out how different you are from his ex-wife. Tell him that you do not want to forget about his first daughter...just that you want to experience having a family with him. Tell him how much you respect him and how great of a man you think he is. Make sure to use the word "respect"...men respond better to this than "love." It seems counterintuitive to a woman, but give it a shot. Let him know how much he means to you. If you let him know why you want to have a family with him, he may have a better reaction. Tell him that you just would like him to think about it. After that, let it go for a while. Treat him better than you have ever treated him. Show him how much you love and respect him. Sleep with him frequently and tell him how great he is often. He will feel more secure in your relationship. This is a pathway to starting a family. Nothing is guaranteed but you certainly have a better shot with this approach.
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