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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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hello, I think i may be paranoid but, how can i tell if

Customer Question

hello,   I think i may be paranoid but, how can i tell if my husband may be gay?   He talks about his friend he works with once and a while and recently while watching TV a commercial for viagra came on and it mentions something about having a constant erection and he said his friend was telling him he is on an anti depressant & it causes him to have an erection for up to an hour and i just felt odd they would even discuss that? for women it is different. I just can't shake this feeling!   am i being a nervous nelly for nothing?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.
Hello Carieann

How long have you been with your husband?

What are your ages?

Has he ever mentioned anything else about this guy?

Anything else causing suspicion?

chase
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Reply to Ms Chase's Post: together total of 3 years ( dated 2 marrired 1)
I'm 32 & he is 35
has not mentioned much of anything else. Just the basic stuff such as was married, has a daughter, has dating problems... been single for some time and he has history of being depressed. I don't think this guy has any friends so maybe he is just confiding in my husband? But, he has a sister! can't he confide in her?? Sex is not as often as we used to do! maybe once a week! but, i intiate it!   I am thinking maybe the novelity is just not there as it was when we first met.    I honestly think maybe I just am worrying to much. It is my nature. sorry!
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.
Hello Carieann,

I don't think it's anything to worry about. First of all, guys don't talk to their sisters about sex. However guys DO talk to each other about sex, and women, and girls, etc. It's not abnormal for one guy to mention this to another guy, even as an offhand remark. I think some guys like to talk about their penises (smile) and if there was something that gives a guy a hard on, trust me, he's going to get the news out. It's not uncommon for sex to wan after a few years, but once a week is still pretty good, it's when it goes to every few months that you have to be concerned. What a lot of people don't realize is that relationships and marriage is work, and if you want the sex to stay hot, you have to put in the work to make it hot. If you want more sex, then think about how things were when you first met and try and recreate some of that. If you want some links on how to spice up your sex life, let me know. I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more.

Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience: Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
Ms Chase and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Does make sense. I really don't feel being married is any different other then my name change. Just hard to keep the stress of other things going on not get to either one of us. My husband is very quiet and does not like to fight or argue and trust me I AM VERY LUCKY!!!! to have him considering my past relationships. But, a part of me worries that when something is really wrong he will never speak up. I keep asking him if he is OK or happy and that is just stupid of me I know. This sounds sick but, I am use to having disfunction in my life that I actually think I keep looking for it. How do I relax? Or is this to deep that I need outside counseling? I just don't have the time and in one day you have given more feedback then anyone to be honest.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.
Carieann

I'm glad I can help, really. You are right that when we become used to having dysfunction in our lives, we can lose our ability to function when it's absent. Counseling wouldn't hurt, if you could manage it, it can teach you ways of coping with stress and irrational fears. Relaxing has a lot to do with communicating with your husband, for example, when your husband mentioned what his friend said, you could have asked him "what would make him tell someone that?" and see what your husband says. Don't react in an irrational way (like asking if he's gay), but do ask other questions pertaining to the subject (without making it seem like you are grilling him). It sounds like you might also want to spend time getting to know each other better. Even though you've been together 3 years, it sounds like the communication could be improved. Although he's quiet, he will have a conversation with you, right? I have a list of over 300 questions that you can ask someone to get to know them better, let me know if you want me to post it. Also, anytime you need to talk you can drop me a line here. Just put my name in the subject line.

Chase
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
yes, we have conversations all the time. The more I talk about this the more I think I just need to stop being a worry wort and enjoy my husband!!    He is very good to me, would do anything for me. He is just reserved laid back and I am the in your face type! I would LOVE the list of questions!
Thank you for your help. It is nice to have someone available to talk to other then friends and family .. sometimes they tend to judge to much!
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.
Give me two seconds and I will post the list. brb

Chase
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.
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Ms Chase
Ms Chase
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2897 Satisfied Customers
Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues