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KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
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My sister-in-law, Vicky, who is in her forties, has ...

Customer Question

My sister-in-law, Vicky, who is in her forties, has recently asked that we now call her Victoria becasue she likes it better. I think her co-workers at a new job started the "Victoria" name but I find it odd that she wants us to do this. After all these years it is a hard habit for us to break and I think it is silly that an adult would request her famliy and friends to call her by her formal birth name. She has and always will be Vicky to me. SHould I follow her wishes and feel awkward about the formality or should I explain that I prefer to call her Vicky ?
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 8 years ago.

To keep the peace maybe you should try calling her by the name of Victoria there are many adults that choose to change there name for one reason or another. She may think it is more lady like than Vicky or she may just want to be different. If after you try calling her that you still do not like it maybe think about asking her if you could continue to call her Vicky around family and Victoria around co-workers and friends. There has to be a compromise in order for peace in the family to be kept. Just try Victoria for a while it may be easier than you thought to get use to using it.

Customer: replied 8 years ago.
I need further explanation - i already know that i could try it for awhile, but i think it is silly and i dont really want to. She has never directly asked me to call her Victoria because i live out of state, but i hear others doing so and also forgeting and chuckling a bit to correct themselves. I want to know how to stand up for myself when she directly asks me to call her Victoria. I want to be prepared with a response that justifies why I would rather keep referrign to her as Vicky. SHe is not a formal person at all. But she is a professional in a business work environment. ANd I too use my formal name Cynthia on paperwork or at corporate events, but I always add, as a friendly gesture, "my friends and family call me CIndy".
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 8 years ago.

I'm sorry I thought you had asked me if you should call her by Victoria or continue to call her Vicky. Explain to her that you just won't feel right calling her Victoria after a calling her Vicky all of these years. Tell her that you think it's okay to have the people she works with call her Victoria and that you find it silly to have family start calling her that also, tell her Victoria is so informal and that the family should be allowed to call her Vicky still, it's kind ok like a term of endearment between family members, she may then understand and allow you to call her Vicky still, you want to say it in a way that isn't confrontational.

Customer: replied 8 years ago.
Reply to KimberlyF's Post: Exactly, I dont want to be confrontational.
I see how hard it is for my relatives to break the habit of "Vicky" and I wondered why a person chooses to create an unnessary challenge challenge =- that we have to start using her formal birth name. We all know she is Victoria, but I prefer the endearment of
"VIcky" as she has been to everyone all her life.
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 8 years ago.

Very nice choice of words and maybe you should ask her that the same way you have said it in your reply. Tell her that it is going to be really hard for people especially family to start calling her Victoria after calling her Vicky and that it isn't fair to those who have dearly referred to her as Vicky. Especially the older people in the family will not understand why the sudden change in the way you same her name and they will not want to change because older people are set in their ways and don't do well with change.

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