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JR, M.A.
JR, M.A., Mental Health Professional
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 184
Experience:  I have a master's degree in clinical psychology and am currently finishing my doctoral degree.
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Iv beeb married foe six years and got 3 kids, for the past ...

Customer Question

Iv beeb married foe six years and got 3 kids, for the past 6 months my husband has been very cold, theres no love or intamate affection there anymore and we dont even communicate as much as we useto. I don''t know what to do. I want to save my marriage before its to late.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  JR, M.A. replied 6 years ago.

HiCustomer

I would be happy to help you with your question. First, could you answer these questions so that I may better assist you.

What are your ages?

How old are your children?

Is your husband committed to the marriage?

Are you committed to the marriage?

What have you tried?

Do you suspect infidelity?

Thanks!

Note: You will need to pay the deposit to get my answer.

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Reply to JR, M.A.'s Post: Im 25 years of age, my husband is 27. my oldest boy is 4, second is 2 and the 3rd is 8 weeks Im very commited to the marriage, he says he's commited. im currently at my mums becouse he says he's needs a break. sometimes i wonder but coudnt think that about him. I'v tried to talk to him but he trys to avoid the conversation and i try to make an effort in the night aswell but i dont get ant attention from him. thnks dian
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Im 25 years of age, my husband is 27. my oldest boy is 4, second is 2 and the 3rd is 8 weeks Im very commited to the marriage, he says he's commited. im currently at my mums becouse he says he's needs a break. sometimes i wonder but coudnt think that about him. I'v tried to talk to him but he trys to avoid the conversation and i try to make an effort in the night aswell but i dont get ant attention from him. thnks dian
Expert:  JR, M.A. replied 6 years ago.

Hello dian,

I'm glad to hear that you are both committed to making the relationship work. For the sake of your 3 children, you really ought to give this everything you have. From what you have told me, it sounds like your husband has a definite problem communicating with you. It may be that he feels attacked and wants the space to distance himself from that feeling...not you. It could also be that your husband is struggling with something that he is not willing to share with you. You are the expert with respect to your life, so I will ask you to think about his "normal" behavior and consider how different he is acting now. Has he been doing anything unusual lately? Anything that would make you wonder what he is up to? It sounds like it is time for you to step back from your feelings and take a long, hard look at your marriage. You need to consider your behavior recently and think about how you have changed since you were your husband's girlfriend. Are you still the same person and do you treat him the same way? Do you have sex with him frequently? Are you holding back from him or complaining frequently? I DO NOT mean to accuse you...rather I want encourage you to think about your behavior. We cannot know exactly what your husband is thinking, so now is a good time to think about your role in the relationship.

Nevertheless, it is important to figure our what is going on with your husband. If he is committed to the marriage, then he should be willing to go to marital therapy. You NEED to get in to see a marital therapist. After your "break" you may want to suggest marital therapy to your husband. Tell him that you want to make your marriage like it used to be! Don't blame him for not talking...just let him know that you are interested in improving things between the two of you. As a therapist, I definitely think you can get a lot out of the experience. Hopefully, therapy will help the two of you figure out what is going on. DO encourage him to work on your marriage with you. DO NOT point the finger at his behavior just yet.

If you are interested, I have recommended a book to married couples and seen major improvements. This is just a suggestion but it may help you to understand your husband's needs better. It may also help him to understand you better. I would start by reading it yourself. It is called, "The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage." You can buy this on amazon.com. Good luck to you.

If you found this answer helpful, please click the ACCEPT button so that I get paid for my work. Bonuses are greatly appreciated if you find my answer worthy. I would be happy to assist you with follow up questions or future questions. Please request me again in the future.

JR, M.A., Mental Health Professional
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 184
Experience: I have a master's degree in clinical psychology and am currently finishing my doctoral degree.
JR, M.A. and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  JR, M.A. replied 6 years ago.
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