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JR, M.A.
JR, M.A., Mental Health Professional
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 184
Experience:  I have a master's degree in clinical psychology and am currently finishing my doctoral degree.
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i was disapointed by hubby about his carring, mostly toward ...

Customer Question

i was disapointed by hubby about his carring, mostly toward me, i hv tried to be patient yet asked him to track down all matters by rebuilt or renewal and promoting by more strengthen mutualunderstanding, but it gone only aside(my side) and the matters might repeated again n again until i fade up... i wont to keep my marriage safe anymore,think that hubby just used me while i useless running my life which i can drive and manage it by myself, i thought. Being i am a mother of 3 kids,and they are all choose to live with their dad(from financial and spoilt treat, they better choose him, while me, just a poor mother for cooking needed for them),even if i given up, i stil want to settle my resposibility(means my cares and loves) towards kids future life.I dont know what shape or destiny(mine) being i ll leave, but i surely promise will keepin touch continuosly to em (kids) whenever they need me. Do u think my judgement will definitely wrong?hubby doesnt want to divorce but cases remain yrs
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  JR, M.A. replied 7 years ago.

Hi Customer,

I am a psychologist and would be happy to help you with your question. First, please answer these questions so that I can provide you with a more informed answer:

What is your age?

What is your husband's age?

How long have you been married?

How will a divorce make your life better in this situation?

Have you tried marital therapy?

What sort of problems are you having with your husband?

Customer: replied 7 years ago.
Reply to JR, MA's Post: my age 40, hubby 44.. i 've been married for 18yrs
i think what the different if i life by myself without hubby coz he didnt provide what he should... i am working and got my salary which i use it for my needs, being we stil live together i join for the daily meals (mostly only dinner), sometimes i spend money for fam too.. sure about house he owned where we live now... i ll think i ll satisfy if i cn live alone (or if any kid wXXXXX XXXXXve with me, i am ok)

i never seen any expert (marrital therapy)to help me in this matter...

being he always keep silent, we hv no any proper communication, (he better communicate to kids and likes to watching TV's new, got exciting with TV's programs etc, and actually we dont hv any sex activity in yrs and saparated bed from 1 yr ago...
Expert:  JR, M.A. replied 7 years ago.

Hi Customer,

I would suggest that you and your husband go to see a clinical psychologist who works with married couples before you decide on the divorce. A skilled therapist can help the two of you communicate better about your relationship and the future of your children. At this point, it does not sound as though you have any positive exchanges in your marriage. It is not wonder that you are thinking about divorce. However, I think you could benefit from seeing a therapist with your husband prior to making this VERY BIG decision. Society no longer recognizes the importance of the marriage bond...but it does not mean that you should just throw away 18 years without seeking professional help. Consider why you married this man in the first place. What was it about him that made you want to be his wife? Would you like to try and get that feeling back? It is not impossible to salvage your marriage...just very hard. You will have to make self-sacrificing decisions and put up with many frustrations along the way. You have your children to think about as well. Although you may not realize this, they really need their mother, regardless of their ages. If you leave now, it will send a shock wave through your children's lives. They will never see relationships the same. At the very least, you should consider working on the marriage until your children are 18. It can be very challenging for children to navigate the emotional stress brought on by divorce.

BotXXXXX XXXXXne: You should look in the yellow pages and find the number of a local clinical psychologist. Call this number and make an appointment for you and your husband. Ask him if he would be willing to see a therapist to talk about your marriage and the children. Tell him that you are willing to give this a shot if he is willing to show up. Even if this does not help, you will at least be able to come to some better conclusions.

Customer: replied 7 years ago.
hey, are u reading my answeres???
how can i be satishfied, you haven't replied mu question properly...
what time or how long i should waiting from now towards the answere u gonna reply my quesion...
Expert:  JR, M.A. replied 7 years ago.

Hi Customer,

I'm sorry if you did not feel like I answered your question correctly. Would you mind clarifying your question exactly? I got a little confused while reading your response. Please get back to me so that I can provide you with a better answer. Sorry about that.

Expert:  JR, M.A. replied 7 years ago.
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