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JR, M.A.
JR, M.A., Mental Health Professional
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 184
Experience:  I have a master's degree in clinical psychology and am currently finishing my doctoral degree.
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How do I deal with a boy who is sometimes mean to me

Customer Question

I have been seeing this boy for about a year and sometimes he treats me like a princess, but other times it seems he gets bored and starts making fun of me and seeing how far he can push me. He is doing it again now and I don''t know what to do. Sometimes I think its because I am too available for him and he knows how much I like him. What do I do?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  JR, M.A. replied 5 years ago.

HiCustomer

I would be happy to answer your question for you. First, could you answer these questions so that I can better assist you?

What are your ages?

Have you either of you ever been in another relationship?

What does he do to "make fun of" you?

What type of reaction do you have to this?

Thanks!

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Reply to JR, MA's Post: We are both 19 years old, and no, neither of us have been in a relationship before.
He makes fun of me by saying little things, like that I sit 'uncool' or he says that something I said was stupid. He also just acts mean sometimes, like that he is bored because neither of us are talking. For the first time the other day he even called me annoying for pointing at something in public.
I usually react by saying something in response to try and defend myself, like 'why is this an uncool way of sitting?' or if he says that I said something stupid I might say 'oh, because all you have to say is so genius all the time.' The other day, however, I just got so overwhelmed by him acting this way for the entire day that I just started staying quiet and he could tell that he was making me sad by the way he was acting, and he tried to be a little nicer, but it wasn't enough.
Expert:  JR, M.A. replied 5 years ago.

HiCustomer

There is a great deal of relationship research that shows the importance of positive exchanges in healthy relationships. It sounds like you are receiving more negative than positive exchanges at this point in your relationship. He was probably much nicer to you when you first started going together. This is because he was trying to manage his impression and make you want to be with him. However, he probably thinks that he can get away with this immature behavior because you put up with it. Unfortunately, making a comment back to him is not going to do the trick. You need to remember that you are a respectable woman and should NOT be spoken to this way. He is being very unloving and you can probably feel that. He is zapping you dry with his negative and critical comments. If you allow him to continue with this, he will probably just get worse. Having never been in a relationship before, you probably don't realize how badly he is treating you. You are so young....you do not need to put up with this behavior. You WILL find a man that is willing to treat you like his princess if you keep looking. Think about it....IS THIS THE TYPE OF RELATIONSHIP YOU DREAMED ABOUT AS A GIRL? If you want to stay in the relationship, you need to sit down with him and have a serious conversation about the way he is talking to you. Tell him that it REALLY hurts you inside when he makes fun of you. He needs to know that you are NOT one of his guy friends. If he is not capable of changing this behavior...you need to just walk away from this one before things get worse. Give this some serious thought and sit down with him today and share your feelings. A good man will listen and then change.

If you found this answer helpful, please click ACCEPT so that I get paid for my work. Bonuses are always appreciated! If you have follow-up questions after you accept this answer, I would be happy to answer those questions. Please request me personally in the future if you have additional relationship questions.

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