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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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We (my boyfriend is 40, Im 30) have had an amazing ...

Customer Question

We (my boyfriend is 40, Im 30) have had an amazing relationship for ten months, with the exception of a couple of bad factors. We had talked of marriage, buying a home, spending life together. But we recently broke up. His knowledge of my past has definitely been a problem. I let him know too much of my past (it means nothing to me) and he can''t get over it. Also, he received a phone call from an ex recently and lied about it. We had a blow up at that time, then eventually resolved it. But ever since that time, trust has not been completely there. I''ve always been willing (maybe too much) to speak about what''s bothering me-that he''s detached and distant, but his problem is that he pretends that nothings wrong. And that I''m over-reacting and ignores it. I feel like he''s not in love with me anymore. He has not been the same since, so I think I finally pushed him away because I feel deep down that he''s not happy with me. I am so in love with him, I want to make things right!
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.
Hello nikki,

How did you find out about the phone call?

Why do you think he lied about it?

What about your past has bothered him if you dont mind me asking?

Customer: replied 8 years ago.
I was there when she called. First time anything like this happened and he acted strange, so I said "save the voice mail". He said he accidentally deleted it. and that she was a past girlfriend. I thought it was suspicious, but now I dont think that was anything.

I think he lied to spare my feelings. I did hear a cpl of words b4 he deleted and she said "we need to talk". But that was b4 anything appeared wrong.

I have been in interracial relationships and he doesnt agree with that. I tried to understand him bc of the age difference.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.
It does sound a little suspicious, especially if she said that she needed to talk. Did he say talk about what? It could be nothing, but it's hard to tell, when someone is not truthful. At this point it boils down to whether or not he wants things to work out, because a relationship cannot work out if only one person wants it to. The issue of him not communicating and ignoring things is another problem, he's at an age where he should be able to talk about how he feels, and express himself....the fact that he's not able to do so is hard because at this age, he may not be willing or able to change. If someone cares about you and wants to be with you, you don't have to ask, they will make it well known in the things they do. The best you can do at this point is to try and sit him down and get him to come out about how he feels....there's not much else you can do besides that. Tell him how you feel, let him know that you know, that he's not happy with your past, but I'm sure there are things in his past that you might not agree is accepting the good and the bad, and moving past, the past. It's one thing to tell him how you feel, but if he can't reciprocate, there's a real problem. I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more.


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