I am a psychologist and would be happy to help you with your question. I'm a little confused by the post above. Would you mind clarifying your question so that I can better assist you? Any details you could provide would be helpful.
Thank you for the additional information. It sounds like you are really over thinking this situation. That is, you are attempting to analyze every interaction you have had with her and make the "right" choice. Sometimes when we over analyze a situation it can lead us to faulty conclusions. The first thing that I would suggest you do is to really ask yourself what you get out of your relationship with her. How does she make you feel when you are with her? What do you think that she is getting out of the relationship?
Given her situation with the divorce and her children, I think that she is probably very confused about what she wants in her life. You probably provide her with momentary escapes and help her to feel good about herself. You seem to be really into this woman, which probably makes her feel special. When she invites you to her work, she probably enjoys the fact that a man would come out of his way to see her, even when you don't have the opportunity to talk much. You are fulfilling some need of hers, which I cannot put my finger on exactly. However, when you attempt to move the relationship beyond this friendly/admiring interaction, she seems to pull away. Yes, some of her excuses may have been valid, but it seems likely that she is unsure about getting involved with you on a deeper level. At this point, you are providing her with attention and making her feel important....If that is fulfilling her need, why should she take steps to move your relationship forward? You need to not be so available to this woman. Moreover, you really need to consider whether it is a good idea to get involved with a woman with two kids, going through a divorce, and working at a gentleman's club. You may be selling yourself short here. She seems like she has a lot of her plate and you may be getting yourself in over your head. Nevertheless, if you really want to see if this woman is interested, you must talk with her about your feelings. You need to call her and set up a time to meet and tell her that you have some important things to talk to her about. This will give you an opportunity to share your feelings for her and let her know that you want something more out of this relationship. She will have to give you some kind of an answer if you do this. Don't allow her to drag you around and keep you hanging on the hope that she "might be interested." You deserve an honest answer from her. Your anxiety level about this will drop after you share your feelings.
If you found this answer helpful, please click accept so that I get credit for my time and work. Please feel free to ask follow-up questions. I will do my best to help you navigate this situation and find the best possible solution for you. Just take a deep breath and think about what I said above before you do anything.
Thank you for giving that some thought. I never asked you to hold the fact that she has children and is going through a divorce against her. I simply want you to consider the impact this will have on your life long-term. Think about the type of problems you may encounter with the ex-husband and the children. Nevertheless, if you really want to be with this woman, you have every right to pursue the relationship. In fact, good for you that you are willing to bear such a burden for her sake. However, I'm more concerned about her behavior towards you. She seems very uncertain and may be avoiding a serious relationship right now. If you are committed to pursuing this relationship, you must talk with her about your feelings openly. I think the flowers idea was wonderful! You have taken the right steps to show her that you are interested. What I am saying is that she needs to take some steps to show you what she wants. By sharing your feelings, you will be able to ask her about her desires. As I said, you deserve a direct answer from her...that is only reasonable. Stop worrying about what she might be feeling and simply ask her about her feelings. It might seem a little intimidating, but you don't seem to be the kind of person who is afraid of challenges. Good luck to you.
If you found this helpful, please click the accept button so that I get credit for my work. Please feel free to follow-up with additional questions.
I would consider waiting until you have coffee on Thursday before you really share your feelings. Let her know that you want to talk to her about something on Wednesday, so that she knows it is important. Tell her that you want to just sit down and share some things with her. Let me know how this works out for you. I would be happy to assist you with further questions. I can help you try to keep an objective perspective. It gets hard when you are emotionally invested in the relationship. Good luck!