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JR, M.A.
JR, M.A., Mental Health Professional
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 184
Experience:  I have a master's degree in clinical psychology and am currently finishing my doctoral degree.
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Is she intersted, and what should I do.

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Sent July 26 7:13 p.m. (1 hour and 46 minutes later)      
No i havn't sadly, but this time i didn't talk to Jess much. As i was talking to her sister (jackie) told me they rarly see eachother and they live in the same house. And continued to explain why they don't see her much (school and work).

The other group invited me to come. If i were to go i would want Jess to be ok with it before i do that.
She was cleaning up getting ready to leave so it was getting pretty crazy for her at the end of the night.
this was last night, i havn't spoken to Jess since then. And yes i mentioned about the other things as well on the day i gave her the flowers, i didn't see much of a reaction to it, seemed as if she already knew.
     Customer (Online) -- 7 Accepts/5 Questions
     Your Reply
Sent July 28 9:34 a.m. (1 day and 14 hours later) Edit Post      
So yesterday she calls me up 2x within 2 hours asking me to come see her at her job because it's her last day. She also told me what her sister thought about me (all good stuff). She's telling me that it's going to be slow out there (only reason why I went this time) cause I would be able to talk to her. Ended up I wasn't able to talk her much. Asked her to call me when her gets out.. she didn't.
So what I'm thinking about doing is when I see her next, tell her a little of how I'm feeling and what the orange rose meant because her sister asked me for her "I Desire You" and tell her a bit of what I Desire of her. So please help me before I do this and regret doing it.
     Customer (Online) -- 7 Accepts/5 Questions
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  JR, M.A. replied 6 years ago.

HiCustomer

I am a psychologist and would be happy to help you with your question. I'm a little confused by the post above. Would you mind clarifying your question so that I can better assist you? Any details you could provide would be helpful.

 

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I'll copy and paste. :-) that way you'll get the full story and not miss anything
July 20 5:33 p.m.        
I've been trying to see this girl, been asking her out etc. but she ends up making an excuse why she cannot. However these excuse are actually legit excuses in which i would do the same in her shoes and she can back-up her excuses (so i don't take her as a lair). And she ends up inviting me out to her work where we can actually meet and talk, because of our schedule me going out there works out best to actually get together and talk.
What can I do to find out if she is interested?

ent July 20 5:58 p.m. (13 minutes and 20 seconds later)        
She's going through a divorce right now, so i'm thinking she's intersted but not yet(.. if you know what i'm trying to say (I don't know).
i'm 24 and she's 24. (with 2 kids, age 3 and 2 (currently staying with grandmother, the kids)

She invites me out to her work, she's a waitress at a gentelmens club, doesn't dance just a waitress. I meet her in class and she told me she just got the job there. And started inviting me out there ever since. I went everyother weekend so far.

1- she had told me she had 2 test for a coming class and I Ask to grab some coffee before her class.
(i believe it was my fault because i wouldn't grab coffee either if i had 2 test coming up within an hour of getting coffee)

2- her sisters b-day coming up next week
   I ask to go see a movie on the same day of her b-day that i didn't know the actually day until i asked her.

-I'm thinking it's a case of bad timing-

Sent July 21 5:13 p.m. (17 hours and 41 minutes later)        
What if she still invites me to her work place but never really set up a plan of any other what could that mean. I know it's all mixed signals, she likes my company but never calls, I have called her but never really had a chance to talk on the phone, however she still wants me to come out to her work place to keep her company.

Sent July 22 3:53 p.m. (3 hours and 30 minutes later)        
This past saturday she asked me to go out there, i decided not to and went out with my other friends. I then told her I promise i'll come out there tomorrow (sunday) to see her, i did for about 15 mins and left.
I see her at her work maybe everyother week or less, no more then that though i don't go see her out there everyweek.

Sent July 26 5:22 p.m. (3 days and 19 hours later)        
Ok, so Wed the day that i was suppose to take her the movies she went out with her sisters b-day.Well i ended up buying some flowers (12 pink roses), and 1 orange rose for "J". (didn't want her to feel lefted out) well to make this part short it was a good move on my part, the sister LOVED the flowers and she invited me out to see her at work and her sister was already there and I ended up meeting her and her group last night and did great, they even invited me out afterwords. i Declinded because i didn't want to push so much. So with this it goes back to my question Is she intersted?
Expert:  JR, M.A. replied 6 years ago.

HiCustomer

Thank you for the additional information. It sounds like you are really over thinking this situation. That is, you are attempting to analyze every interaction you have had with her and make the "right" choice. Sometimes when we over analyze a situation it can lead us to faulty conclusions. The first thing that I would suggest you do is to really ask yourself what you get out of your relationship with her. How does she make you feel when you are with her? What do you think that she is getting out of the relationship?

Given her situation with the divorce and her children, I think that she is probably very confused about what she wants in her life. You probably provide her with momentary escapes and help her to feel good about herself. You seem to be really into this woman, which probably makes her feel special. When she invites you to her work, she probably enjoys the fact that a man would come out of his way to see her, even when you don't have the opportunity to talk much. You are fulfilling some need of hers, which I cannot put my finger on exactly. However, when you attempt to move the relationship beyond this friendly/admiring interaction, she seems to pull away. Yes, some of her excuses may have been valid, but it seems likely that she is unsure about getting involved with you on a deeper level. At this point, you are providing her with attention and making her feel important....If that is fulfilling her need, why should she take steps to move your relationship forward? You need to not be so available to this woman. Moreover, you really need to consider whether it is a good idea to get involved with a woman with two kids, going through a divorce, and working at a gentleman's club. You may be selling yourself short here. She seems like she has a lot of her plate and you may be getting yourself in over your head. Nevertheless, if you really want to see if this woman is interested, you must talk with her about your feelings. You need to call her and set up a time to meet and tell her that you have some important things to talk to her about. This will give you an opportunity to share your feelings for her and let her know that you want something more out of this relationship. She will have to give you some kind of an answer if you do this. Don't allow her to drag you around and keep you hanging on the hope that she "might be interested." You deserve an honest answer from her. Your anxiety level about this will drop after you share your feelings.

If you found this answer helpful, please click accept so that I get credit for my time and work. Please feel free to ask follow-up questions. I will do my best to help you navigate this situation and find the best possible solution for you. Just take a deep breath and think about what I said above before you do anything.

JR, M.A., Mental Health Professional
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 184
Experience: I have a master's degree in clinical psychology and am currently finishing my doctoral degree.
JR, M.A. and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Well, I've thought about that already, about the kids and such, yes i know she works at a gentleman's club but I met her before I knew she worked there. And my last g/f had kids as well, it just happen and I'm not going to hold it against her for having kids. But I don't see her every time she ask, only with good reason that will benefit me and moving forward. Like meeting her sister. I say I've seen her at her work maybe 35-45% of the times that she has asked. Maybe less.
Expert:  JR, M.A. replied 6 years ago.

HiCustomer

Thank you for giving that some thought. I never asked you to hold the fact that she has children and is going through a divorce against her. I simply want you to consider the impact this will have on your life long-term. Think about the type of problems you may encounter with the ex-husband and the children. Nevertheless, if you really want to be with this woman, you have every right to pursue the relationship. In fact, good for you that you are willing to bear such a burden for her sake. However, I'm more concerned about her behavior towards you. She seems very uncertain and may be avoiding a serious relationship right now. If you are committed to pursuing this relationship, you must talk with her about your feelings openly. I think the flowers idea was wonderful! You have taken the right steps to show her that you are interested. What I am saying is that she needs to take some steps to show you what she wants. By sharing your feelings, you will be able to ask her about her desires. As I said, you deserve a direct answer from her...that is only reasonable. Stop worrying about what she might be feeling and simply ask her about her feelings. It might seem a little intimidating, but you don't seem to be the kind of person who is afraid of challenges. Good luck to you.

If you found this helpful, please click the accept button so that I get credit for my work. Please feel free to follow-up with additional questions.

JR, M.A., Mental Health Professional
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 184
Experience: I have a master's degree in clinical psychology and am currently finishing my doctoral degree.
JR, M.A. and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
So basically it's her move to show what she wants. Well hopefully we will be going for some Coffee on Thursday, I guess if i tell her that "I desire her" on Wed when i see her and she still want to grab coffee i can talk it over during coffee.
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I will be going to work soon, so my replies will be further apart
Expert:  JR, M.A. replied 6 years ago.

HiCustomer

I would consider waiting until you have coffee on Thursday before you really share your feelings. Let her know that you want to talk to her about something on Wednesday, so that she knows it is important. Tell her that you want to just sit down and share some things with her. Let me know how this works out for you. I would be happy to assist you with further questions. I can help you try to keep an objective perspective. It gets hard when you are emotionally invested in the relationship. Good luck!

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
i see how things go wed. thanks
Expert:  JR, M.A. replied 6 years ago.
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