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JR, M.A.
JR, M.A., Mental Health Professional
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 184
Experience:  I have a master's degree in clinical psychology and am currently finishing my doctoral degree.
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Are they being bias

Resolved Question:

MY BOYFRIEND HAS SISTER-IN-LAW THAT IS 39 YEARS OLD.WHEN THIS SISTER-IN-LAW VISITS HER MOTHER-IN-LAW, I NEVER SEEN HER COOK FOR HER SONS."ONE OF THE SONS GOT A LITTLE MAD AT ME BECAUSE I WILL NOT COOK FOR HIM EITHER. WHY DOES SANDRA GET AWAY WITH THE BEHAVIOR, BUT NOT ME?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  JR, M.A. replied 6 years ago.

HiCustomer

I would be happy to help you with this question. Please answer these questions so that I am better able to assist you.

Could you please explain the situation in a little more detail?

How often are you around Sandra?

Who expects you to cook?

Why does it bother you that they ask you to cook?

Do the kids get angry with Sandra when she refuses to cook?

Who puts the pressure on you to cook?

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
my boyfriend, his brother, and mom got mad at me. i been around her 5-10 times enough to get the feeling.i know her since 1991.I NEED EQUAL TREATMENT IF I AM RIGHT ABOUT THE SITUATION.IT BOTHERS ME, IF SHE GETS AWAY WITH IT, AND NOT ME. SHE IS FROM CHILE, AND I A M FROM EL SALVADOR.I BEEN IN US SINCE 1979, AND SHE SINCE 1976.
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I THINK SHE DOES NOT TOLERATE MACHO MEN.FOR SOME REASON HER IN-LAWS RESPECT HER.BUT HER MOTHER-IN-LAW THINKS WOMEN SHOULD COOK FOR MEN.
Expert:  JR, M.A. replied 6 years ago.

HiCustomer

You have every right to be angry about this situation. You should never be "expected" to do something, especially when the person expecting you to do it is not doing it themselves. You seem like a nice person and it may be that they are trying to take advantage of you because they think they can manipulate you into cooking. This is not the kind of issue that someone should get so upset about. It seems strange to me that they would remain angry at you about this issue. Your boyfriend should be supporting you in this situation. He needs to stand up for his woman and not allow them to treat you that way. You might want to talk with him about how this is making you feel. You should not be made to feel like an outcast. You are not technically part of this family and should not be expected to do anything for them. It seems like their reaction to you is unfair. The first thing you need to do is talk with your boyfriend about this issue. Don't allow him to make you feel wrong for this. Tell him that you need him to protect and fight for you. Men tend to respond better when you tell them that you are in need of protection and help. This may motivate him to defend you and make peace in the family. You should take rest though...this is not your problem....it is their problem.

If you found this answer helpful, please click accept so that I get credit for my work. Please let me know if you have follow-up questions. I would be happy to help you again. Please request me if you have any additional questions. Good luck!

 

JR, M.A., Mental Health Professional
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 184
Experience: I have a master's degree in clinical psychology and am currently finishing my doctoral degree.
JR, M.A. and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY SANDRA'S MOTHER-IN-LAW GETS MAD AT ME,BUT NOT AT SANDRA.WHAT IS YOUR OPINION? I AM NOT MARRIED TO HER SON.THE OLD LADY DOES NOT KNOW HOW TO READ. I AM NOT GOING TO BE A SERVANT FOR HER SON.
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
XXXXX XXXXXS FOR KIDS, BUT NOT FOR HER HUSBAND'S BROTHERS.THAT IS WHAT BUGS ME.
Expert:  JR, M.A. replied 6 years ago.

HiCustomer

Maybe there are other issues between you and her that you are not aware of. It may be that she is angry with you about something else. Also, you are not "family" and are of a different nationality. She may be holding some things against you. You probably need to talk to your boyfriend about her attitude. Maybe he can help you to understand her attitude better. Perhaps she is nicer to Sandra because she is married to her son. If you married into the family, she might not react the same way to you. It is possible that she might have accepted Sandra because she already family. She may not want her son to stay with you because she would like him to find a more "traditional woman." I'm very sorry for your situation. It sounds like you are being singled out in an unfair way. You might want to ask her if she has a problem with you for any reason. That way, you can at least attempt to communicate with her. She may appreciate your effort to talk with her about the situation.

Please click accept if you found this answer helpful. Good luck to you! It sounds like a very tricky situation. I'm not sure there is any right answer or good reason for her behavior towards you. Mother's can be very protective of their sons. She may be uncertain about her feelings towards you. I think it would be best to calmly and respectfully XXXXX XXXXX with her when you can.

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
WELL THE OLD LADY SAYS I AM IMMATURE, WHICH IS TRUE.BUT SHE NEEDS TO REMEMBER, I HAVE HELPED HER SON WITH HIS JANITOR COMPANY.I CLEANED BUILDINGS WITH HIM,WASH HIS CLOTHES, COOK AT LEAST ONE MEAL, MAINLY LUNCH.SHE IS OLD FASHIONED WHEN I MET HER IN 1991."SHE DOES NOT MEAN ANY HARM, I TRIED TO UNDERSTAND HER, SHE IS ALMOST 79 YEARS OLD.
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
SOME LATIN MEN EXPECT A WOMAN TO COOK FOR THEN, REGARDLESS WEATHER THEY KNOW YOU, OR NOT. ONE TIME THIS MEXICAN GUY WHO IS ABOUT 15 YEARS TOLD ME TOLD ME TO PUT HIS FOOD IN THE MICROWAVE.I TOLD HIM "NO".I WAS VISITING A FRIEND WHO IS A MECHANIC.I "DO NOT KNOW THIS TEEN-AGER"
Expert:  JR, M.A. replied 6 years ago.
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