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JR, M.A.
JR, M.A., Mental Health Professional
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 184
Experience:  I have a master's degree in clinical psychology and am currently finishing my doctoral degree.
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WHY DOES HE CRITICISE SOME PEOPLE

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I HAVE A BOYFRIEND THAT I KNOWN 17 YEARS. HE IS INDEPEDENT AND HAS HIS OWN CAR BUSINESS. WITHIN THE LAST COUPLE YEARS HE TENDS CRITICISE PEOPLE. FOR EXAMPLE HE TELLS ME MY NEIGHBOR "IS NOT SALVADORIAN IF SHE QUITS TALKING ABOUT EL SALVADOR. MY NEIGHBOR IS FROM EL SALVADOR, REGARTHLESS WEATHER SHE TALKS ABOUT HER COUNTRY OR NOT. MY BOYFRIEND CANNOT BE TELLING PEOPLE WHAT TO DO, OR WHAT TOPICS TO TALK ABOUT.

he is not a bad person, i think one of those that is daring and bold. but still he would not like it if they criticise him.

HE IS SOMETIMES STUBBORN."it is not his business wheather somebody talks about, or weather they keep or not keep their traditions of their country"

HiCustomer

I would be happy to help you with your question. Please answer these questions so that I may better help you.

What are your ages?

Have you talked to him about how much his behavior bothers you?

Has he always been a critical person?

Do you know if he is depressed or angry about anything in particular?

What exactly would you like my advice about?

Customer: replied 8 years ago.
Reply to JR, MA's Post: i am 37 he is 47."HE DOES NOT HAVE ANY DEPRESSION."HE THINKS I AM FIGHTING WHEN I TOLD HIM TO STOP THE BEHAVIOR.I NEED TO KNOW HOW TO HANDLE WHEN HE REPEATS THE BEHAVIOR, PLUS HE IS NOT TELLING WHY HE DOES IT

HiCustomer

There could be any number of reasons that a person speaks critically of others. Often times, people use criticism to mask their own feelings by focusing on the problems of others. It sounds like your boyfriend becomes very defensive when you confront him about his behavior. In fact, he may become more critical when he feels like you are "fighting" with him. Also, people may become critical when they are holding in negative feelings and refusing to talk about it. Given his age, it could be possible that he is experiencing a problem with life-cycle transition. That is, as he becomes older, he is becoming increasingly aware of the reality of his life choices. He may be angry about choices he has made in life and it is just easier to take it out on someone else. Regardless of the reason for his behavior, it has negative consequences. He may benefit from seeing a therapist; however, I seriously doubt that he would agree to therapy. You may want to encourage him to sit down and talk with you about what is bothering him. You could ask him why he feels better when he criticizes other people. Explain to him that it is hurting you and making you feel uncomfortable. Maybe this will motivate him to share some of his feelings. I would not get my hopes high, but I would certainly give him the chance to explain his behavior. If he refuses to talk, you may want to try ignoring his criticism. Reinforce his positive behavior by giving him compliments about what he does well. Tell him how proud you are of him and how much you respect his hard work. If you ignore the negative and reinforce the positive, he may start reducing his critical behavior.

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