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KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
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Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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Do I finish with her

Resolved Question:

I'm 25, I've been dating a girl now for 4 and a half years, but I'm not sure about her. According to her everything seems fine and she wants to be with me for the rest of her life. But I just can't make up my mind whether she is the one or not. I've been having doubts for so long, and its because of these doubts that I'm thinking maybe I should finish with her, but she can be great sometimes but not other times! And i don't know whether I would get anyone better. It would break her heart if I left her, and it would break my heart to see her that way. I've tried to end it in the past but I've seen the state she's got in, and I've caved in and taken her back. I really don't know what to do. And if I do decide to end the relationship, I have no idea what the reason to tell her should be. Any ideas?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 6 years ago.

HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on Just Answer. By the way, it would help me to know:

-What are your ages?

-The times that she isn't great, why isn't she?What does she do?

-When you broke up with her before how did she react?

-Could you explain your situation a little more?

Thank you again for trusting me with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that I can finish answering your question.

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Hi Kimberly, thanks for the reply.

I hope this helps you answer me questions ::

Our ages - I am 25, she is 23.

When we are alone together she's great, and I wonder to myself why I even have these thoughts, but when we're in public or with her family etc, she's a different person. She's constantly ruid, in her manners, and she doesn't have a clue she's doing it, you try telling her but she'll only do it again. This makes it embarassing for me when we're out in public so I try not to go out with her too often. But when its just the two of us, she's the sweetest person you'll ever know, and she'll do anything for me.

Well I guess she reacted how anyone would when you break up with them, got very very upset and kept saying she can't live without me, and trying to get me to change my mind. And I just couldn't bear to see her in that state, because even if I want to split up with her, I still have huge feelings for her and care for her big time. I'm just afraid what would happen if I left her.

We don't live together yet, still at home with parents, due to it being very expensive in the UK to get a house at the moment, so that's our situation a little better. Any more questions then please ask.

Mark
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 6 years ago.

Mark,

You're right any break up is hard and takes time getting over but you cannot make yourself miserable to please someone else you have to live a life that makes both you and the person you care about happy. Being alone together is fine but you want someone that you will be proud to have on you arm in public and if you have talked to her several times and she still hasn't changed that aspect of your relationship then she isn't taking into consideration your feelings and how she makes you look in public. You have to decide what you want and what makes you happy and sit down and do a list of good things about her and bad things and if the bad outweighs the good then you may have your answer sitting in front of you. If she is sweet when your alone and vulgar in public then she isn't being her true self. If you decide to break up with her site her behavior in public as your reason and the fact that you don't see each other growing together rather you have seen each other grow apart.

No matter how or when you do it if you decide to do it will hurt her for a while but if you don't see yourself being with her anymore you have to do what makes you happy but make sure that you aren't going to break up with her only to find that you really did love her and never wanted to do that in the first place. I feel that if she loves you she would want to change to make herself a better person for you and herself. I think in public it's a way of getting attention whether it be negative or positive attention which I'm sure it's mostly negative she wants a reaction no matter how she gets it. I really think it's something she can work on if that is the only thing that makes you feel as though you no longer want her but you have to be the one to make that decision.

In the end it is you who have to live with the decision that you make so think long and hard about whether or not you want to stop seeing your girlfriend so that you don't wake up one morning regretting the decision you've made.

KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience: Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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KimberlyF
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