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Cher
Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 18788
Experience:  Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
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I have dated a girl in the past two times. She cheated ...

Customer Question

I have dated a girl in the past, two times. She cheated on me each time and we broke up. We took a year off and just recently she was almost killed in a car crash. In fact she was just released from the OSU Hospital this Wed. Anyway I am thinking of giving her one last chance at our relationship. I believe if some one trys hard enough they can change. On top of that, she was 16-17 so therefore young and nieve. She is now 18 and I''m 19 and in college (she graduated High school.) But i think she may have changed. We have been through alot (almost having sex once) and I love her still. She still loves me she says, but I just dont know if I should move on or give her one more chance. I have tryed several times to find someone new but it just doesnt work out or feel right.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Cher replied 6 years ago.
HelloCustomer and thanks for your question.

From what you have said, it seems that you really care deeply for this girl, and thank goodness she escaped with her life, from the recent car crash!

If she says that she stills loves you, I don't doubt she thinks she means it, but she IS still comparatively young and naive, as you mentioned, so she may be using the word 'love' in a less serious way than you use it. It's possible that she truly does have strong feelings for you, but did not want to make a commitment to you, at such a young age. She may not have viewed her 'cheating' on you, as 'cheating', but experiencing dates with other men because she didn't feel ready to only be with one person.

Sometimes, a life-altering experience like a serious car crash, can put a person's views/feelings more in perspective, and she may feel she almost lost you, and you, her, and she's ready to date you exclusively, now. However, if you want an exclusive relationship with her, you need to have a talk with her, first, and explain your expectations of the relationship, if you should give her another chance. Ask her what SHE expects from the relationship, also, if you should start dating again, and ask if she feels she's ready to commit to seeing only you, and no other men.

I recommend taking it slowly at first, if you should decide to give her another chance, and start dating again, and make it clear to her that although you have strong feelings for her and want this to work out well, if she feels she wants to 'cheat' on you again, or see other people, she should be honest with you, and you'll take it from that point. Perhaps you'd like to date her, in addition to other people, if she also wants to date other men in the future. If she's not mature enough or not sure enough if she wants to commit to you at this time, for exclusive dating, then it would be best for you to move on. I understand it's difficult to find the same level of comfort in another person, after you've developed strong feelings for this girl, but if it doesn't work out, you'll find someone who you feel strongly about, again, in time.

I hope this helped, and please let me know if you want to discuss it further.

Cher
Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 18788
Experience: Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
Cher and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Reply to Cher's Post: I have visited her in the hospital four times already. I did explain to her that she needs to get well first, then we will worry about our relationship. I explained to her how she made me feel and what I would expect if we dated again. She told me she would never cheat on me again. As for the other girls I tryed to see, I did score a few first dates and do have an EHarmony account. So I am also trying to keep my options open.
Expert:  Cher replied 6 years ago.
Hello again, and thank you for your accept and generous bonus.

You sound like you're very 'grounded' and that's so important! You ARE keeping your options open, and I'm glad you've already made your intentions clear to her, and are putting her recovery, first. You are mature beyond your years, and that's something to be very proud of! I wish you much good luck and hope things work out the way you want them to!

Cher (I'm sending this as a 'request for information', only so you won't be prompted to click 'accept' an additional time)
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Again, thank you!
Expert:  Cher replied 6 years ago.
You very welcome! I hope everything works out well for you both!

Cher

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