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Walter
Walter, Relationship Mentor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 11528
Experience:  Mentoring couples on relationship issue and self understanding. (JA's Relationship Mentor)
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Im married to a man that always walks behind me when

Customer Question

I''m married to a man that always walks behind me when we go shopping together in a store and makes eye contact and speaks to every attractive women we meet and when were in the check out line he stands in front of our basket and right up to the women ahead of us in line, if there is a woman there, as if he is with her instead of standing at the back of the basket with me . I''m not some great beauty nor am I unattractive or do I consider myself a jealous woman, but I find this behavior disrespectful and have told him so many times. Just yesterday we were in line and he was standing to the right and back of me and I turned to ask him something and found him looking at me as if he were looking at someone or something that totally disgusted him.I asked him why he was he was looking at me like that ,he didn''t have an answer except to say he didn''t mean anything. I need an objective opinion
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Walter replied 6 years ago.

Hello,

How long have you been married?

Any children?

When you talked to him about the things he does is there any change or offer of change?

How do you feel about what he is doing? (Is this a breaking point)

Walter

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
we have been married for more years than I care to admit and have 2 daughters living and 1 son deceased . Just one daughter that is ours together. She is 40 so that gives you an ideas of how long we have been married.
I've talked to him many many time and he seems to try for a time but always goes back to the same behavior.
It would be the breaking point but I feel I waited way too long and I'm too old to start over at this time in my life.
I guess what I want is for someone to tell me i'm not nuts for feeling this way and this is not appropriate behavior.
Expert:  Walter replied 6 years ago.

Hello,

Well I can definitely tell you that you are not nuts.........and this is not appropriate behavior. Though the reality is you know this already. With age comes wisdom.....at least for some of us Laughing Sounds like your husband needs some wisdom lessons!

Seriously, you know this is not ok. He knows this is not ok......but he also knows what you have just admitted to me. hat while it may be a breaking point you are not going anywhere because you feel it is just not worth the effort to leave. So in reality why should he change really.......he can get away with doing what he wants, and you let him do so. Sounds like the kid with the cookies.....even though he knows he can not have them why not take them if mom is not going to punish him.

That is not to say that you should punish him, but after this many years he needs to learn that respect is a two way street. You have given him the respect of being a honest wife and for that he is disrespecting you.

The fact of the matter is he is the one looking foolish.........everyone in the store including the women he is standing near knows he is with you, yet he acts like a teenager thus making him look like a fool. The sad fact is many men (Myself included) have been known to think our actions make us look cool, or attractive. And in reality we sometimes (Ok often) look like fools. The problem is he has not learned that he is looking foolish.

I would suggest sitting down with him and letting him know how foolish he looks. If this is a breaking point (Even if you will not leave) then it is a matter that needs to be addressed. Let him know that his behavior is not only making him look like the village idiot but is hurting your feelings. Let him know that just because you have spent the last 40 or more years with him is no excuse for him to begin treating you with disrespect and that as a women you demand that he treat you as the women he loves.

I never advise ultimatums, so do not do this. But do let him know that the time for foolish games are well past you both and he needs to concentrate on the women he loves instead of women that have no interest in him.

In reality he should be watching out, there are many men out there looking to start over with a mature loving women. And his actions could open the door for Mr. Right to try and swoop you off your feet.

I wish you the best in all this, and again you are not nuts!

Walter

Walter, Relationship Mentor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 11528
Experience: Mentoring couples on relationship issue and self understanding. (JA's Relationship Mentor)
Walter and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Walter I was just looking back at my questions and realized i never left feedback for you so I would like to do that because I really appreciated your response and the time you put in to it,so if thats possible send me a link and I will gladly do that. Thanks so much for your help

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Walter
Walter
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Mentoring couples on relationship issue and self understanding. (JA's Relationship Mentor)