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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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Is she intersted

Customer Question

I'v been trying to see this girl, been asking her out etc. but she ends up making an excuse why she cannot. However these excuse are actaully legit excuses in which i would do the same in her shoes and she can back-up her excuses (so i don't take her as a lier). And she ends up inviting me out to her work where we can actaully meet and talk, because of our schadule me going out there works out best to actaully get together and talk.
What can I do to find out if she is intersted?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.
Hello viett,

How sure are you that she's not involved with someone else?

What are your ages?

How often have you gone out to her job?

Does she invite you or do you suggest it?

What kind of work does she do?

What are some of the excuses she makes?

How long have you known her? Where did you meet?

Chase
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Reply to Ms Chase's Post: She's going through a divorce right now, so i'm thinking she's intersted but not yet(.. if you know what i'm trying to say (I don't know).
i'm 24 and she's 24. (with 2 kids, age 3 and 2 (currently staying with grandmother, the kids)

She invites me out to her work, she's a waitress at a gentelmens club, doesn't dance just a waitress. I meet her in class and she told me she just got the job there. And started inviting me out there ever since. I went everyother weekend so far.

1- she had told me she had 2 test for a coming class and I Ask to grab some coffee before her class.
(i believe it was my fault because i wouldn't grab coffee either if i had 2 test coming up within an hour of getting coffee)

2- her sisters b-day coming up next week
   I ask to go see a movie on the same day of her b-day that i didn't know the actually day until i asked her.

-I'm thinking it's a case of bad timing-

I'v known her for alittle of a month now.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.
Hello Viett,

I apologize for the delay, for some reason I did not get your email response, I have notified admin about it. With the two examples that you've given me, it does sound like a case of bad timing as it's two situations that you couldn't have known in advance, and just happened to make a suggestion that couldn't be followed through on. The fact that she is inviting you to the club to see her is a good sign providing money is not a factor. If she's asking you there it means that even though there are other men around, she is still willing to be seen with you. The friendship is still pretty new, and without her having accepted a date yet, it's a little hard to say how she feels about you, but it sounds like she may still be trying to decide if she wants to take it to that level. I would give it a little more time, and would even go as far as to tell her something like "well I made the first two suggestions, and obviously my timing is terrible, so it's your turn to pick a time and place" and see what she says . If she suggests the club, let her know that you would like for it to be somewhere other than that, and just leave the ball in her court. I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more.

Warmly,

Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience: Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
Ms Chase and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
What if she still invites me to her work place but never really set up a plan of anyother what could that mean. I know it's all mixed signals, she likes my company but never calls, I have called her but never really had a chance to talk on the phone, however she still wants me to come out to her work place to keep her company.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.
Did you tell her what I suggested?

Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience: Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
Ms Chase and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I havn't spoken to her yet, i'll be seeing her on weds. i'll tell her then. I just have a feeling that's what's going to happen and was wondering what your thoughts would be if that is the case.

(I'm Currently at work so my answers/replies are near the hours.)
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.
Hi Viett,

It's still a little hard to say because you have known each other such a short time, but if she invites you back out to her job, I would still say what I mentioned earlier and see what she says. I would also refrain from going to her job on one of the nights that she asks you to. The next time she asks you to come out to her job, let her know that you can't come that night as you have other plans and ask her since you can't come that night, is there another night the two of you could go out to get a drink or something to eat. If she knows that you will come to her job every time she asks you to, then she will take that for granted and not feel pressured to see you any other time.

Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience: Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
Ms Chase and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I'v already done that, I guess i'll wait and see what happens thanks.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.
You've already not gone to her job when she asks? How often do you go to her job to see her?

Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience: Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
Ms Chase and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
This past saturday she asked me to go out there, i decided not to and went out with my other friends. I then told her I promise i'll come out there tomorrow (sunday) to see her, i did for about 15 mins and left.
I see her at her work maybe everyother week or less, no more then that though i don't go see her out there everyweek.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.
Hello Viett

That was smart not to go, then at least she knows that you are not going to just follow her every whim, and that you have a life outside of her. It's very important that women realize this, or they may try and take advantage of the situation. It's only been a few weeks, as you said, so I would give it a little more time. If within the end of two months, things still have not moved beyond this point, then you could pretty much surmise that she's either not interested or she just doesn't have the time for a relationship. I would again, mention it to her in an offhand way, like "do you ever take time for yourself?" or if you ever talk about exes, ask her how she spent time with her ex while working so much and see what she says.

I know your original question was "Is she interested?", and I would on one hand say yes, that if she's inviting you out to her job to see her, that is showing interest. However, on the other hand, like I said before, if in another months time she's still not gone out with you but still inviting you to her job, it could be for other reasons, and you might want to rethink going there at all. I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more.

Warmly Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience: Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
Ms Chase and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I'll see how things play out this week and see what happens and ask her those few questions that you have suggested.

Thank you
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.
Ok, let me know how it goes. If you come back and want to speak to me specifically, remember to ask for me by name. ;)

Chase
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Ok, so Wed the day that i was suppose to take her the movies she went out with her sisters b-day.Well i ended up buying some flowers (12 pink roses), and 1 orange rose for "J". (didn't want her to feel lefted out) well to make this part short it was a good move on my part, the sister LOVED the flowers and she invited me out to see her at work and her sister was already there and I ended up meeting her and her group last night and did great, they even invited me out afterwords. i Declinded because i didn't want to push so much. So with this it goes back to my question Is she intersted?
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.
Hello Viett

You still haven't moved past going to her job. Did she invite you to come with them or did the others in the group invite you? Have you set up another time to go out? Did you mention any of the other things I said?

Chase
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
No i havn't sadly, but this time i didn't talk to Jess much. As i was talking to her sister (jackie) told me they rarly see eachother and they live in the same house. And continued to explain why they don't see her much (school and work).

The other group invited me to come. If i were to go i would want Jess to be ok with it before i do that.
She was cleaning up getting ready to leave so it was getting pretty crazy for her at the end of the night.
this was last night, i havn't spoken to Jess since then. And yes i mentioned about the other things as well on the day i gave her the flowers, i didn't see much of a reaction to it, seemed as if she already knew.
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
So yesterday she calls me up 2x within 2 hours asking me to come see her at her job because it's her last day. She also told me what her sister thought about me (all good stuff). She's telling me that it's going to be slow out there (only reason why I went this time) cause I would be able to talk to her. Ended up I wasn't able to talk her much. Asked her to call me when her gets out.. she didn't.
So what I'm thinking about doing is when I see her next, tell her a little of how I'm feeling and what the orange rose meant because her sister asked me for her "I Desire You" and tell her a bit of what I Desire of her. So please help me before I do this and regret doing it.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.
Hello Viett,

I apologize for my delayed response, we had a bad storm here this weekend, and I lost all internet acces, cable and phone for 3 days.

I'm concerned about her saying she's going to call and then not calling. I don't want you to "put it all out there" per say, and giving her too much of an advantage. It's ok to tell her that you like her, and you think she's a great person, and you would love to get to know her better one on one. But if you're going to go that far, you should also be point blank with her and ask her if she's interested in seeing more of you, and spending time together. Ask her if she's too busy right now for something like that, and see what she says. Just let her know that you've (obviously) enjoyed spending time with her, and just want to know if she feels the same.

Have you figured out how your going to see her if she's no longer working at the club?

Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience: Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
Ms Chase and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
You know, that's a good question for me to ask her if she still wants to meet with me. And I can see if she wants to move forward from there.

But I'm very concerned about her not calling me either, after all, talking to her was the main reason why i went out there on such a "slow" day.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.
Viett,

Because she's giving you so little to work with, it's really hard to tell what she's thinking or feeling. On one hand she keeps asking you to come to the club, while on the other hand, she hasn't managed to find any 'alone' time with you, or even to call you. So while she's showing interest on one end, she's not showing interest on the other. It's confusing. If she was interested, I would think she would call. If she's not interested, then you have to ask yourself is there another reason she keeps inviting you down to the club? Is it so that other men won't approach her? Does she feel safe with you there? That's something you will have to look back on and think about, but asking her if she indeed wants to go out with you sometime or spend time with you, puts the ball right in her court and if she doesn't give you a clear answer, I would say you might want to consider moving on.

Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience: Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
Ms Chase and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
She's going to be giving me an answer on wed when i see her on rather or not she will be meeting up with me for Coffee, i believe if it's yes, that would be a good time to talk about it.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.
Ok, let me know how it goes when you meet up with her. Remember, don't spill your heart out, you don't want to scare her off. Play it cool and let her know you would like to get to know her, and if she's interested, then great, find out what her schedule is like and when she's available and then go from there.

I'll wait to hear back from you.

Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience: Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
Ms Chase and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
:-) thank you.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 6 years ago.
of course :)

Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience: Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
Ms Chase and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
So.., we went out for Coffee on Wed this week, we both had a great time found out more about eachother our past etc. Asked her if she still wanted to see me, she said YES I guess I should of made it more specific about it, and she pretty much "demanded" me to come see her at her new work place. But I havn't spoken to her since, thursday i sent her a text saying how much of a great time i had (no reply) which i didn't expect one. And i gave her a call on Friday left a message, no reply yet. And called today didn't leave a message but left a text saying that "I tried calling but couldn't get a hold of you, I wanted to say hi. I hope everything is alright, hope to hear from you soon."
i was suppose to go see her tonight and/or last night but i didn't because i couldn't get a hold of her, i called because she invited me. but no replies.
She said she had a gteat time when we went for coffee had lots of laughs and got into our personal life which was good. Hummm, I'm thinking too much into this, but i'm wondering should i just appear at her work since she did invited me out there?. I don't want to because she hasn't replied yet but that could be a bad thing to do as well. What do you think about this?
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 5 years ago.
Well, it does sound like the two of you had a good time, and then she did ask you to come to her job. I would go, mainly because she hasn't returned your messages, and I would tell her that you almost didn't come because she never got back in touch with you. Worse case scenario, she doesn't want to see you and might tell you that. Another reason might be that for some reason she can't return your calls. Perhaps she lives with someone? I would ask her straight out "Is there a problem or something with your phone? I called and I texted you, with no response" and see what she says. If she can't give you a reason that makes sense, I would be suspicious.

Chase
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
She lives with her sister and her sisters b/f and and i'v met them both (her sister says she's always busy And recently there has been a lot of drama with her bout to be x-hubby. With the kids and everything, she explained it to me last time when i called and she didn't pick up. Without my asking about it. So far i'v been doing that asking why she hasn't done something, there is always an excuse and always something to back it up. I don't really want to ask her that and seem like im' controlling or something. I guess the 'is there something wrong with your phone' question would be best and leave it at that unless she asks more.

She told me that she doesn't know what's it's like to get hit on because it doesn't happen to her often, and i'v been doing that here and there not too much because i don't want to give her more drama then she has to deal with already. Like the rose and the meaning, i touch her alot lightly hands arms etc. Just normal flirting. What do you think about this?
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
She told me that she doesn't know what's it's like to get hit on because it doesn't happen to her often, and i'v been doing that here and there not too much because i don't want to give her more drama then she has to deal with already. Like the rose and the meaning, i touch her alot lightly hands arms etc. Just normal flirting. What do you think about this? What can i do to show that i'm interested without scaring her?
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 5 years ago.
Does she touch you?

I understand about not wanting to ask again, but texting is the simplest thing in the world to do. I can't understand anyone not being able to make or return a phone call, but especially a text. There's something more going on here. Sure you can be busy, but thats rude as well. Maybe her ex gets the bill and she doesn't want him to see anyone she talks to....but it seems a little strange to me. Maybe just asking if there's something wrong with the phone, or waiting to see if she says anything, or asking if she got your messages, and see what she says?

you're meeting with her tonight?

Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience: Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
Ms Chase and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
She does everynow and then, she's very open with her body she doesn't mind showing me her self. the phone thing is a big.. i know But she explains herself everytime i talk to her next when she knows she didn't reply. But it shouldn't stop her anyways.
I don't normally go alone i bring a friend because she's working. If anything i'll make an appereance and leave if i don't talk to her much.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
So what do you think? about the flirting and everything...her telling how she feels about it.
Maybe she's trying to tell me that If i'm hitting on her she won't know it.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 5 years ago.
I'm not sure that's totally true about not knowing when she is getting hit on or flirted with....we are all human and we know when someone likes us as opposed to someone who is just friendly. Perhaps she is being coy? Maybe she's telling you that, so when she doesn't respond, you'll think it's because she just didn't know. It doesn't make sense. I can't seem to get a good grasp on this girl, and in many ways I feel like there's something going on that you may not know. Yes, the phone thing is a big thing because I know people who text while they are driving, while they are taking a bath, while they are on the toilet, while they are at work, while they are in class.....it's a simple thing to respond to a text, yet she doesn't do it? It's very strange. Was tonight the night you are to see her? If so, let me know how it went.


Chase
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Yes i went and saw her tonight, it was good, she was a lot more touchy with me then normal that's progress i guess. Seemed very happy to see me as well. I told her that i thought about not coming because.. she stopped me in the middle and told me that her sister had took her phone(belongs to the sister in the first place because jess's phone the ex had control over it.) her (sister) and her b/f got into an argument and more detail over it that we didn't get into currently.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 5 years ago.
Ah ok, so there was an issue with the phone. I knew it had to be something to not get any response at all. Well it's a good thing she told you that, so at least now you know what the issue was/is. Has she said when she is supposed to get her divorce? It sounds like things are moving along at a good pace, just be careful not to push her to hard, she may have some issues about jumping right back into a relationship. Give her space to get to know you and for you to get to know her. Take your time. If she was more touchy, that's definitly progress, and have you made another date to see each other?

chase
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Not yet, I see her the last time in class on Wed. and this term is over, I'm going to ask for the following weds if she would like to spend some time with me on that day. I'm already expecting the answer is going to be a maybe because she should be spending that time with her kids. The divorce is going to take some time - speaking to lawyers and all right now so it's steady I guess looks like she's going to be taking care of the kids doesn't seem like the ex wants to keep them.... sad really... I'll see what happens next time, Thank you!
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 5 years ago.
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