How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask KimberlyF Your Own Question

KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
1572083
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
KimberlyF is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

i was 13 it was 1991 it all just seemed to happen so fast, ...

Resolved Question:

i was 13 it was 1991 it all just seemed to happen so fast, he pulled me into the bathroom, pushed the door closed with his foot, locked it, pushed me up against the wall, and pushed his hand into my school shirt, the button fell off, and I didn''t have a bra on He then went and pushed his hand roughly between my legs, before getting close to me and saying if I didn''t go back, or said one word, that he''d kill my niece by injecting her with heroin.
I felt shocked, didn''t say anything, didn''t do anything, and yes I was foolish enough to believe him.
I went back, I went back every lunch time anyway, it''s just this time I wasn''t just going back to visit my sister. But ''him'' who lived in the same bed and breakfast. I did alot of sexual things, im sure i consented by going back- but did i though? Its haunting me even all these years later - Was i in the wrong?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 6 years ago.

HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on Just Answer. By the way, it would help me to know:

-What is your age now?

-After he did that to you, you started going back why?

-Did you ever tell anyone?

-From 13 to what age did you continue to go back?

-Do you see this man anymore?


Thank you again for trusting me with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that I can finish answering your question.

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
-What is your age now?
30

-After he did that to you, you started going back why?
He threatened to kill my niece who lived there, he was the landlord and had access to all the rooms

-Did you ever tell anyone?
When it was over - I was to scared to admit how far it had gone though

-From 13 to what age did you continue to go back?
A few months until my sister left

-Do you see this man anymore?
No
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 6 years ago.

 

<strongCustomer

In no way, shape or form was what happened to you your fault even when you kept going back, you were only 13 years old that is an impressionable age and this man took advantage of you and made you a victim whether you went back or not he had to of known it was wrong or he wouldn't have kept doing it or threatened your niece, I think possibly you kept going back to save your niece from it possibly happening to her or it may have become a learned behavior for you. Once you get victimized it lowers your self esteem and you may have went back to try to get that back but it only made you feel worse afterwards. You may need to start seeing a therapist so that they can make you understand that you were a victim and not to let it haunt you anymore. Don't try to do this on your own you need some outside help.

I think you would do anything to make sure your family stayed safe and you didn't know if he would carry out his threat of hurting your niece and you didn't want that on your conscience and this is why you continued to go over there but it wasn't your fault that you kept getting molested by this man and he should have been put in jail but it's totally understandable why you didn't do that but you have to stop blaming yourself. At 13 year old there is no way you could have known the effects that this man had on you until you matured and got older and could figure out how wrong it was and since he didn't get blamed for anything you took over that position and that isn't very fair to you at all.

Think about the counseling a counselor can help you to understand why you kept going back and why this was done to you but you cannot control what a sick mind does and it's usually the victim that lives a life of torment, I'm sure there were others besides you so you are probably not alone but you will never know that all you can do is work on yourself and help to get passed this though you will never forget what happened to you counseling could help you to know your self worth even after that was done to you it just took you longer to feel the full effect of what happened and to do something about it help wise.

KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience: Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
KimberlyF and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I was scared he'd hurt her, I was a scaredchild and it didn't make things any easier. My dad had an affair with a woman when I was a child, 4, he slept with her in my bedroom, with me there. he also had sex with me from 7, it didn't 'go all the way in' but far enough for it to class as sex. I'm waiting to here from a R Crisis center to help me with it, as of yet she hasn't replyed to my second email, but she said she would answer any emails monday morning. As her weekend access is limited ~ I'm just scared of what people would think of me if more then one thing came up - especially if it was my fault, because I've been the guilt can be overwhelming sometimes and i've been questioning things alot lately, and struggling with emotions.
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 6 years ago.
THIS ANSWER IS LOCKED!
You can view this answer by clicking here to Register or Login and paying $3.
If you've already paid for this answer, simply Login.

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency