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KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with
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i was 13 it was 1991 it all just seemed to happen so fast, ...

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i was 13 it was 1991 it all just seemed to happen so fast, he pulled me into the bathroom, pushed the door closed with his foot, locked it, pushed me up against the wall, and pushed his hand into my school shirt, the button fell off, and I didn''t have a bra on He then went and pushed his hand roughly between my legs, before getting close to me and saying if I didn''t go back, or said one word, that he''d kill my niece by injecting her with heroin.
I felt shocked, didn''t say anything, didn''t do anything, and yes I was foolish enough to believe him.
I went back, I went back every lunch time anyway, it''s just this time I wasn''t just going back to visit my sister. But ''him'' who lived in the same bed and breakfast. I did alot of sexual things, im sure i consented by going back- but did i though? Its haunting me even all these years later - Was i in the wrong?

HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on Just Answer. By the way, it would help me to know:

-What is your age now?

-After he did that to you, you started going back why?

-Did you ever tell anyone?

-From 13 to what age did you continue to go back?

-Do you see this man anymore?

Thank you again for trusting me with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that I can finish answering your question.

Customer: replied 8 years ago.
-What is your age now?

-After he did that to you, you started going back why?
He threatened to kill my niece who lived there, he was the landlord and had access to all the rooms

-Did you ever tell anyone?
When it was over - I was to scared to admit how far it had gone though

-From 13 to what age did you continue to go back?
A few months until my sister left

-Do you see this man anymore?



In no way, shape or form was what happened to you your fault even when you kept going back, you were only 13 years old that is an impressionable age and this man took advantage of you and made you a victim whether you went back or not he had to of known it was wrong or he wouldn't have kept doing it or threatened your niece, I think possibly you kept going back to save your niece from it possibly happening to her or it may have become a learned behavior for you. Once you get victimized it lowers your self esteem and you may have went back to try to get that back but it only made you feel worse afterwards. You may need to start seeing a therapist so that they can make you understand that you were a victim and not to let it haunt you anymore. Don't try to do this on your own you need some outside help.

I think you would do anything to make sure your family stayed safe and you didn't know if he would carry out his threat of hurting your niece and you didn't want that on your conscience and this is why you continued to go over there but it wasn't your fault that you kept getting molested by this man and he should have been put in jail but it's totally understandable why you didn't do that but you have to stop blaming yourself. At 13 year old there is no way you could have known the effects that this man had on you until you matured and got older and could figure out how wrong it was and since he didn't get blamed for anything you took over that position and that isn't very fair to you at all.

Think about the counseling a counselor can help you to understand why you kept going back and why this was done to you but you cannot control what a sick mind does and it's usually the victim that lives a life of torment, I'm sure there were others besides you so you are probably not alone but you will never know that all you can do is work on yourself and help to get passed this though you will never forget what happened to you counseling could help you to know your self worth even after that was done to you it just took you longer to feel the full effect of what happened and to do something about it help wise.

KimberlyF and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 8 years ago.
I was scared he'd hurt her, I was a scaredchild and it didn't make things any easier. My dad had an affair with a woman when I was a child, 4, he slept with her in my bedroom, with me there. he also had sex with me from 7, it didn't 'go all the way in' but far enough for it to class as sex. I'm waiting to here from a R Crisis center to help me with it, as of yet she hasn't replyed to my second email, but she said she would answer any emails monday morning. As her weekend access is limited ~ I'm just scared of what people would think of me if more then one thing came up - especially if it was my fault, because I've been the guilt can be overwhelming sometimes and i've been questioning things alot lately, and struggling with emotions.



It's natural for you to feel it's your fault most victims do that and say there was something they could have done but when you are a child and nolt onlyh victimized once but twice with two different men and one man you should be able to trust not to hurt you (Your father) you were already hurt by the man you trust the most so when it happened to you again it made you feel like you deserved it but you didn't you were a CHILD and these were grown men that took advantage of a little girl. Give the R Crisis Center a try and if you feel you aren't getting the help you need then search out someone else that can help you through this don't do alone you have tried that and they guilt has not gone away.

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