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Walter
Walter, Relationship Mentor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 11528
Experience:  Mentoring couples on relationship issue and self understanding. (JA's Relationship Mentor)
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Hello I have been dating this women for about 3 months now.

Resolved Question:

Hello I have been dating this women for about 3 months now. She is 34 and I am 39. She has a 17yr old daughter. Well I seem to be over analyzing everything that comes from her. The other night, she said she would call and did not. I called her the next day and no problems. We usually talk everynight. So this week her daughter has been having alot of drill team meetings and my girl friend has had to take her and pick her up from the meetings. We have not been able to see each other all week. When we did finally see each other she seemed distant and not affectionate. She is not a person who lets her feelings out easily. I am a little insecure and feel that I may be losing her. It seems that I am always the one who makes plans, and calls. What do you think I should do?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Walter replied 5 years ago.

Hello,

Did you ask her about her actions on the time you got together?

If yes, what did she say?

Who normally calls who?

How often do you to go out?

When you go out, is it things you choose or things she chooses?

Walter

 

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Did you ask her about her actions on the time you got together? Yes I aksed her and she said nothing was wrong.

If yes, what did she say?

Who normally calls who?
I do the calling.

How often do you to go out?
Usually 1-3 times per week.
When you go out, is it things you choose or things she chooses? I do the choosing. She came over last night and I asked if she wanted to watch a movie, she said she did not care. I asked if she wanted to go out and do somthing, she said she wanted to stay here.

She has also not introduced me to her daughter yet either. Also she does not express her feelings very much. Which is why I think I over analyze everthing. We had a discussion early in the relationship about me never dating a women with a teenager before. She made me promise that If I could not handle it that I would tell her. I made her make the same promise to me.
Expert:  Walter replied 5 years ago.

Hello,

Based on the fact that she has you doing most of the calling, and decision making it sounds like she is a little old fashioned when it comes to expecting the man to make the first move. This is very common, some women like a take charge guy and will submit to him. This is not saying that she will never take charge, just that she may be more comfortable with you in charge.

Some women are not good at expressing themselves, more so when they have been hurt in the past. She may be afraid that you will back out and if she admits to how she feels she will be hurt again.

Since she had such a busy week with her daughter the date may have just been her only time to unwind and therefor was tired. Being a mother to a teenager is a hard job, seldom will she have time to just be herself so when she gets time away from the crazy life of being a mother she may simply be drained.

The good news is if handled correctly this could turn around in your favor. Since it sounds like she has been so busy why not offer to help out some if you have a little extra time. Women love a man that is willing to give a helping hand. Tr calling her up one day during the week that you know she has a lot to do and let her know that you want to take care of dinner. Call for takeout and bring it over, or order her a pizza for her and her daughter if you can not be there. If its not a work night suggest bringing over pizza and a few movies. Call and ask her if she needs anything, such as errands. Let her know that she seems swamped and you just want to help out.

If she is not so keen on you meeting her daughter yet, then offer to order pizza one night for her. You do not have to be there.........but it is a reminder you are thinking of her. One of the main reasons why women are shy about bringing men around their children is because children often become hurt in the mix. Plus a women must be weary of who she allows around a daughter. (Not implying anything, just a simple reality).

Offer to take her to dinner in between the drills, she has to eat sometime Laughing.

There are other small things you can do to remind her you are thinking of her and sweep her off her feet. Does she work? If so flowers at work is the best trick in the book. It gives the women the flowers which is always a good thing, and puts her in the spot light at work. All the other women oohing and ahhing over her beautiful flowers. Just a simple romantic message on the card such as:

When I think of your smile it lights up my whole day....so I sent these flowers to make you smile.

Or

This one is a real attention grabber.

Order 11 roses and on the card:

I sent you only 11 roses if you look in the mirror you shall see my 12th rose. (The key with this is you will forever have to only give 11 roses).

Little things like a box of candy sent or a large teddy bear. (Keep in mind if you pick up the teddy bear and flowers at a store you could have a friend deliver them to save on cost). When I say a large teddy bear I am talking about the big ones if you can.

Often when things start getting busy it is easy to put a relationship on the back burner. If you place it back up in front it will be easier to get it back on track. Remember do not push......she is busy so she may not be able to see you. But by reminding her you care for her she will start making that time.

Walter

Walter, Relationship Mentor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 11528
Experience: Mentoring couples on relationship issue and self understanding. (JA's Relationship Mentor)
Walter and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
You know I just spoke with her and said that it was kind of weird last night and if she was ok and if our relationship was ok. She said that we were fine its just she has been in a weird mood lately and does not know why.She said she felt the need to be alone.I said that was ok and that the lines of communication are open if she wanted to discuss it. So should I give her some breating room? if so how much room?
Expert:  Walter replied 5 years ago.
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